


World.execute(me);

by DemTaro



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ackerbond Twist, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Android/Creator AU, AndroidLevi, Angst, Drama, ErwinxMarie mentioned, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, implied mobuhan, references of depression, scientistErwin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25852693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemTaro/pseuds/DemTaro
Summary: At first everything was simple; commands and information, understanding the world, action > reaction. But humans never gave the expected response.Humans had something that androids lacked. They never talked about it, never taught it...they just lived through it.Since the awakening everything got difficult and the world was too big and dark now.The only light was the creator, Erwin Smith, at the end of the tunnel. The only light he wanted to follow.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 33
Kudos: 47





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm Demian. Please read this Notes!
> 
> This fanfic was inspired by a song with the same name. I'm not giving you the link in case you don't want to get spoiled about anything is going to happen. Though you can search for it if you want, nothing it says is an actual big spoiler.  
> This is my very first fanfiction and before you start i want to say some things:  
> \- I'm not used to write in general so, i'm trying to have fun with this. I say sorry now if i make any big mistakes that could affect or ruin the story for you. I'm trying my best  
> \- I'm not native English speaker, in fact, i'm self-taught so, sorry for the limited langaguage.  
> \- I don't know computer code or anything so, please keep in mind that many things i'm mentioning doesn't necessarily work the way i say they do.  
> -Erwin's POV is just to give a n insight to the reason's fro creating the android. From next chapter everything will be in the adnroid's POV
> 
> The intention of this fic is something very specific and you'll know it someday. Everything else is me letting the characters do their things and push the plot.  
> This chapter is a prologue in order to explain some things before we start. Thank you for giving it a chance!

console.log 

ObjectCreated: Me(L3-V1: added to World(2))

Initializing program...

Scanning environment...

Nearest objects... Code Screen, LCD Screen, LCD Screen, LCD Screen, Vital signs monitor, Keyboard, LAN cable, Android unit operation-receiver cable, stretcher, folding chair.

**Human A:**

Height: 1.70m

Weight: 60kg

Gender: Not found.

Body temperature: 98°F (36.6°C)

**Human B** : 

Height: 1.76m

Weight: 65kg

Gender: Masculine.

Body temperature: 97°F (36.1°C)

**Human C:**

Height: 1.88m

Weight: 92kg

Gender: Masculine.

Body temperature: 99°F (37.2°C)

Scanning threats... Not found

Inicializing system...Unit L3, Prototype V-1. System loaded..

"It opened its eyes...!!"

"Unit L3, can you hear me?"

"Positive"

"It 's done..."

\--

A birth. And what a birth it was. To open your eyes and notice you know everything around you. You are not crying, no one is crying. Everything has sense in its very simple way. Everything has its purpose, you have your purpose, and you don't wonder about it. It's just...that simple.

\--

An android, a human-looking machine created to perform simple tasks and follow orders. It was common in those times. All the scientists in the world were trying to develop the most intelligent one,the strongest one, the most capable one. Erwin too, since he was a child... he started with simple toys, machines that played some music or recited information to help his father with his classes. Back then when everything was simpler. He wasn't aware this would become his job, that this would become his life. It wasn't his dream after all, but his father's... 

The first unit was K-22. It was a difficult machine. He and his assistants learnt to hate it. For some reason it became rude and unpleasant, who knows where did it learn so many bad words! 

At the time, Erwin was aiming to the military machines, at least in appearances, he created that one keeping in mind that it could end up helping in the war, so it was a strong machine; never failed a shot, it had incredible power. But for some reason it became difficult to handle, the military rejected it without second thoughts. He found himself selling it to a noble, Uri Reiss. A simple man who was looking for an android who could go with him for hunts because he was too old to do it on his own. He felt bad about selling it to him. If he couldn't manage to make it perform an action at the point, how would a man so tiny and kind? The machine wasn't smart enough to judge, but he supposed its boss had to impose power to it.

But for some reason...it worked, apparently. Uri Reiss called him two months after the buy to thank him.

"...I don't like to call him K-22 so i call him Kenny... He's very caring, actually. Helps me a lot in the house and he's an amazing hunter! I've never returned home with so many animals before!"

"I'm...i'm glad it's helping you that much...! That's an android's purpose. I suppose it found its real owner in you"

"I suppose too...anyway. Thank you so much, what you do is amazing. And i'm surprised you created a machine so intelligent. I can actually have a conversation with him!... Thank you, Mr Smith, again."

It was odd, he thought. After all the time he spent with that machine it never showed more than a little development to its “personality”, he never considered it a success. The K22 learnt a lot from Hange and then it did it for itself. Going out and speaking with the people in the town down the hill. It became rude in its behavior, so much Erwin thought on deactivating it for a long time, but it was so skillful…

Now with what this person told him he was wondering if he missed some part of its development…, was the AI more complex than he thought? Did the machine CHOOSE its real owner? He just said it but… was then the K-22 more of a success than he thought? There’s no point now, his former invention is gone and now he has to focus on the new one.

Yes, the L-3;V1 was his first attempt on this new type and it actually made it to the awakening so easily. This time he spent a long time in the AI, after all, his dream was creating an android so intelligent no one could differentiate it from a human being. He didn’t know how to achieve this, he didn’t even know why would he create such a thing...the only thing he knew is that this wasn’t allowed, and he wanted to know **why**.

  
  


"L3, can you introduce yourself?"

"Multi-purpose android unit L-3, Prototype V-1. Smith Laboratory. City of Paradis, Eldia."

"Stiff..."

"It's a robot, Hange... Do you want it to start rapping?"

"That would be fun! But i mean, too stiff. I know those are its first words...but ah....i miss how rude the K22 was sometimes. It just had personality after some time"

"It didn't. It just repeated something it heard who knows where. We're going to be careful with this one. Hange, Moblit, i'm looking forward for you two to teach it everything you can, from simple tasks to difficult information. The more it learns, the more complex its AI will become. So, it doesn’t matter what, you just keep talking to it”

“Roger that! I’m really excited! I think i should start with code....oh i will explain all my research to it! About computer glitches and viruses!”

“....Well... that will serve us to know if we can kill an android out of boredom, i guess…” He teased.

“You said we can speak about anything! And my research is very interesting, Erwin!! Also, i think we did better than that, i mean look at it! it just woke up and i already think it’s perfect!! Though i’m not a fan of its looks…”

Not this again... “Hange…we can’t make all the androids to your liking, you know that? Is not our fault you like old men…”

Hange opened their mouth like they were going to say something but closed it immediately after.

“Is… Is a twink the opposite of an old man though?...”

Hange burst into laughter

“You spend too much time with Hange, Moblit…”

“He is RIGHT though! I’m not sure if it looks more like a child or a woman to me, but it was your choice, Erwin”

“Enough of this conversation. Let’s have some dinner and leave to your houses. We all need some rest”.

He forgot how it felt to have a new android around in the house. Now these machines looked almost human but still, it was like being with the shyest person on the face of earth. Sitting in a corner awkwardly and looking around as if they were invited to the house of a person they didn’t know.

He lay on his bed and thought about his new creation. It’s true that he chose the concept of its looks but the sculpt of the body wasn’t his job. He liked it, though...in a way. It didn’t look friendlier than the K22 but it looked interesting to him. Like a person he would like to get to know.

He was getting sleepy already. 

He lost the thread of his thoughts. He remembered those little inventions he made as a child to impress his father. How they always managed to cheer him up, how curious he always got. 

“Those people in the military creating machines to fight against their enemies, servants, workers… they don’t know the potential they’re wasting! What if we spent less time in the abilities...and give more time to the AI? Erwin, imagine creating a machine as intelligent as a human being!” 

It was pure curiosity. The one that makes every scientist start a new research, a new investigation… he didn’t mean any harm.

“Machines are only tools, Erwin. There’s all kind of problems with machines whose creators made them believe they were more than that.” His professor was right “Now how do we deactivate all those androids lurking in our cities, acting as humans, believing they’re a new species!? They are dangerous things...and all those developers should get punished for creating them!”

And so they were.

The government can’t stop the androids. You can’t even identify them just by looking...there’s no way to differentiate. They say some of them escaped to other countries and helped in the war there, or stayed in the big cities creating bands and committing crimes just because they can. Killing people...

His father’s android escaped too, didn’t it? That’s why the police took him away.

He was a fool, it was his fault. He thought.

He should have told his father it was wrong. That the right way was to create a weapon, a tool, that he was aiming too high and the arrow was going to land on his own head.

He didn’t even remember that android being that intelligent. It just escaped because they didn’t take care of it. He should have known better. His father was old and ill.

“Don’t worry, Erwin. I’ll be back in some time and we can make a new one. The research hasn’t ended yet…. i need to see if it’s possible. When we show them our creation they’ll stop this. Because they can’t stop people from discovering the vastness of the universe.”

With his father’s last words he fell asleep.

\--

They decided to take shifts. And everyone had total freedom on how to use that time with the new machine. In the end, the information wasn’t important, the interaction on the other hand, would nurture its AI. He expected it to learn the way the K-22 did, but now they would forbid the contact with the exterior until they were sure the machine was ready. 

It was still important to make it look like they were training the machine for a specific task like they did with the K-22, aiming for the war. This one was a domestic machine, in the papers at least. As long as the machine remained at their side, they could advance safely.

Now that the machine was awake he felt like there was nothing to do in the laboratory but paperwork. It wouldn’t help the machine...so he came up with the idea of taking care of the garden and the greenhouse with it. It was in terrible state after two years of neglection.

While Moblit took his first shift he decided to indulge himself and light a cigar in the backyard. The beginning of the summer came with pleasant temperatures and only then he remembered it was Christmas today.

It’s been a long time since the last Christmas he celebrated but he thought in the machine as his present. Or maybe his father’s.

“This one is the one…,dad”.

\--

Androids in their first days were all the same;“stiff” as Hange puts it. They would take care of every task they’re given, very obedient. This one wasn’t different.

Everyday Erwin would take it to the garden and give it a number of simple tasks; weeding, watering flowers, planting new ones. And it would go silently and do as it was told. Which gave him a lot of time on his own. He really liked the garden; the scents, the colors, the life. 

It always made him remember that little house he used to live in as a child. The smell of the lavender in the front yard with that feeling of being back in a safe place full of love.

His black cat waiting for him to play, the books with all those fantastic worlds he liked to get lost in.

It was a therapeutic task, now that he thought of it.

Erwin was skillful with words when it comes to speak about his job, but personally he never was a good talker, so he ended up just giving the android more freedom on its tasks as the time passed. After all the conversation Hange probably has with it in their shift, he thought it would be a good idea if he just gave the machine a little peace in this period of time. He was the one who lived with it anyway, if it wanted to talk, they had the whole night too.

He learnt the machine wasn’t very talkative anyway. The K-22 started to speak a lot after a month of its awakening. This one took its time and for now, it was Ok.

Now with a month of work the garden looked so different. It had the perfect weather too, in the middle of the summer, and it made him really happy. He wouldn’t mind to end up taking care of this house and its garden forever. To finally retire of this endless quest and live a normal life, maybe have a family. Though he didn’t know anyone but perhaps with some free time he could let himself visit the town more often. He was still young and knew the effect he caused on women. They were always very friendly with him when he passed by the market, complimenting his looks and how devoted he was to his job. He indulged in those thoughts for some time. Even if it was on his own, he would be happier, he thought… maybe he could keep the neighbour’s black cat that apparently had more food here than in his house based on how often he appeared in the garden to meow his head off and sleep on his lap. Hange and Moblit could keep visiting to keep him some company. It wasn’t a bad idea. Keeping L-3 as a helper machine like its papers said.

It sounded beautiful.

Yet, no. That wasn’t his dream...was it? He wanted to prove the people above him that putting old men in jail for pursuing a dream was wrong. That some careless people making mistakes wasn’t everybody’s fault. That they couldn’t expect everyone would use their research for their purposes.

That his father didn’t die alone and trembling in a cold cell for nothing. He had to finish was his father started.

\--  
  
  


Two months have passed and he was starting to get worried about his invention. Now with the K-22 the order was this: It was boring at the beginning, then it started to ask a lot of questions to the point of drive them insane. Then it started to take its strolls with Hange in the town and speak a lot with the locals. Then there was a couple of times the machine went on its own making everyone lose their minds thinking it escaped but it always came back. After that it started to speak a lot and use slang. And finally it became difficult to control.

It was terrible but the poor improvement was visible.

This one is still rather silent. Though it has changed and that caught his attention.

It changed little things like the way it walked or moved in general. It wasn’t stiff anymore but almost graceful, delicate. But its expression was cold and frightening. Like it didn’t want to be approached. The few times he heard it speaking was to Hange and Moblit. In a very dry way that wasn’t rude but not friendly either. 

And one day it just cut its hair without asking anyone, apparently in the night.

It was an improvement but he wondered if this was taking the correct direction. Maybe he’s been taking the developing too lightly...but he didn’t want to take charge of the matter as if he was the boss there. Hange and Moblit had the same authority than him and if he wasn’t aware of what was happening then maybe they were, so he decided on making a little meeting to discuss L-3’s behavior later that night, before his shift.

The assistants stayed to dinner that night and the L-3 was sent to have its meal in the kitchen.

"I've been meaning to ask you something, Moblit, Hange.."

"You should have done it already, we're munching now!" 

"It 's about L-3. It...it has performed pretty good this lasts months, actually. But...when was the last time it asked you something…?

"Oh, this evening"

"S-Same, Erwin... this morning"

Oh? "What did it say...?"

"Uh....it asked me something about a book in the library. Some novel… i don’t remember the exact question to be honest"

"It...said we should cook the pork today before it gets spoiled and asked me if it was okay for it to cook it..."

Those questions means it's been learning pretty good. But, why does it ask questions only to them? Doesn't it have doubts about the work it does with him? It doesn't look like it has...but still. Is not like he put a lot of information on how to take care of plants and flowers in its data before the awakening...

"What, Erwin? It doesn't talk to you?"

"Actually, no. It doesn't"

"Huuuuuh??? I mean is not the most talkative machine ever but it DOES talk to me. I mean, it makes a lot of questions."

"That's....odd...It shouldn't have any bias"

"Aww Look at him, Moblit. He's worried the machine doesn't like him"

“I don’t blame him…”

Erwin clicked his tongue "It's not that...Hange...I'm just wondering if it sees any difference between us"

"Well, ask it then" Hange stood up abruptly "L-3!! Come here!!"

"Hange…!"

The android walked out of the kitchen an approached slowly. As serious as it always appears to be...or even more. It walked in that studied way of it, like it was chasing a pray and not walking to its creators’ table.

"L3, sorry to interrupt your meal. We wanted to ask you something!" The machine just looked at them. "Err..we want to know if you see any difference between the three of us"

This time it made a little change in its face. As if it didn't understand the question. Erwin thought for a moment that he maybe was just imagining things. It would be really nice to know the machine was learning quickly but for it to know things no one has told it...that could be worrying. At least this quickly.

But after the pause the machine looked as it found its answer.

"You both are assistants. And he's the creator." It answered matter-of-factly.

And the three of them went silent.

In their little lab there wasn't any differences between them. The only one was that Erwin was the house’s owner. And Hange only called him 'Boss' to tease him from time to time.They all had their roles. Erwin WAS the one who created the AI, but how would it know?

"How do.." Erwin stopped Hange before they could ask. Whatever was it doing, he wanted to see where will it take it.

"Thank you, L3. You can return to the kitchen" And so it did.

"In my defense, i haven't even talked about us. I'm too busy talking about code and all. We've been doing it for months and i haven't even explained half my research"

"Me n-neither, Erwin. In fact, i used to talk to it a lot at the beginning...about the food and the chores. B-but then it became even more serious...and now i just answer ITS questions"

"I have noticed it has changed. Before it didn't have a lot of expression. Now it looks..."

"Sour"

"Mh.." Erwin couldn't help but agree. "Did you notice any abrupt change?"

"I don't think it was abrupt. I only know that it asks a lot of questions now....but, now that you mention it... it asks a lot about us rather than the information i’m trying to teach it. Honestly it’s making me nervous. I’m trying to teach it some important stuff and then it just “why are you fidgeting that much? i mean PUT ME ATTENTION!"

"Do...do you think the reason it doesn't ask q-questions to you is because it thinks of you higher than us?”

"Maybe, i think the only way to know now is asking "

Moblit and Hange left and he was ready to start working in the garden. L3 had already started by the time he entered the area. Weeding, watering, working serious and quiet, like always. Erwin walked a little by the lavenders in order not to approach so suddenly. That smell again filling his head with warm memories. He spaced out there smiling at how often this spot in the garden makes him feel like a child again.

When he noticed, the L-3 was staring at him from its place. He thought this was a good moment and walked straight to it. 

He prepared the question but before he could open his mouth the machine dropped its tools and looked to the ground.

"I don't understand..." It said.

\---


	2. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for all your kind replies and kudos in the Prologue! We can finally begin this story with our favorite Android's POV.  
> Some things will happen rather quick and some things will take longer, that's the only thing i can say for now.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

[No creation has no bias, as long as it’s created by a human]

Some people say humans live in a simulation, that nothing around them is actually happening but being projected to the mind of certain subjects to make them believe they’re living in a world that doesn’t really exist. With the purpose of seeing how humanity would have worked in its early days...since the perpetrators were an advanced civilization. 

Humans living inside this simulated world would be, obviously, unaware of the fact that nothing is real and lived through their lives to the end in this conviction. No matter how you look at it, it’s a selfish purpose; To put so many people in difficult situations, convince them that their problems are real… just for the sake of their own research.

_________________________________________________________________________

L3-V1, on the other hand, was aware of this simulated world it lived in. It didn’t recognize a beginning to its existence, but it always knew this (World 1) was a simulation, something that wasn’t real. And there was a purpose behind it: receiving information, knowledge, and making different scenarios happen, react, and see if the answer was satisfactory.

At the beginning, everything was code, or maths. Every command, every piece of information, was decoded and saved. Then there were things, little objects that appeared for it to interact. It executed an action on the object, the object reacted to it.

There were a lot of things that it never saw but knew they existed. A lot of information that was never used but it learnt anyway.

There was no such thing as choosing a course of action by itself, because there was something that always told it what to do. 

That something was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. 

It taught it everything, it showed it the way to solve every problem, it decided what was <good> and <bad>, and told it about its <beliefs>.

It was the <creator>. And the creator gave it <life>.

  
  


Some new things were introduced to the world.

The first one was the ability to react and write code for itself.

So it could answer when the creator asked for something. The creator asked to be addressed as <he/him> but didn’t give a name.

Then, the second one was the sense of <taste>. And the knowledge that this would help it to recognize different states on <food>, the fuel that will be used to keep it alive and functioning. 

The third one was <smell>. And though it didn’t know the sources, it felt a variety of new smells while the creator taught what they were and how to use them. There was a scent that was always present when the creator was, a combination of different herbs and plants. So it saved it as ‘the creator’s scent’ though he never made mention of it.

The fourth was the sense of <hearing>. And it made the world feel bigger because there were so many sources. It learnt how <wind>, <wood>, <birds>, <voices> sounded. And though it could be able to hear three different voices, there was only one that was always there when the creator was. So it assigned it to him, as ‘the creator’s voice’.

The fifth was the sense of <touch>. And though it didn’t know the sources, it discovered how <cold> felt, and how <warm> felt. And the creator taught it how <pain> felt, and said that whenever it felt it, it should escape from the source for it was its way of knowing it is getting hurt and that is dangerous.

It had four of five senses, the creator said. And then he explained that the moment was near. The end of simulated world 1, and the awakening to world 2, the real one, the one in which the creator lived. It wanted to be there and know the source of everything it was taught about. And be able to execute all the actions the creator wanted it to.

Like this, a second of <black>. World 1 was destroyed, and its code executed itself on world 2. With it, the sense of <sight> was added. And it woke up.

Its eyes adjusted to the source of light. And it opened them.

The sense of sight gave it a different sense of what the world was, but it was still similar to world 1. The noises, the smells, everything was the same but there’s sources too, and it noticed the sight was important in order to determine them.

There was three humans there and they introduced themselves:

The human A: Hange Zöe.

The human B: Moblit Berner

The human C: Erwin Smith

They welcomed it to the new world and told it they were going to keep teaching it so it could comprehend it.

But the world was there and it wasn’t new. It was just like world 1, with the addition of interaction with the sources: to touch, to see, to smell, to hear, to taste. 

It was <simple>.

They didn’t have any new commands apart from it to be there for every shift and learn everything it could, and not to leave the perimeters of the place it was in.

It saw then that the creator was him, Erwin Smith. It had the scent, the voice, and now the sight of him. He never said it but it knew. And he was the one that gave it understanding and consciousness. He put it in this world and he was the one that gave the orders. If it was like that in world 1, then it was like that here too. It was simple: the creator had the top place in hierarchy. 

Because the work in world 1 was always a work between L-3 and its creator, no matter how many people are working on the entire development of an android. Every line of code, every suggested course-of-action is created by one person, is like giving a part of them that L-3 was always going to carry with it.

\-- 

It assigned how everything in this new environment looked now though nothing was new. Even the things it never sensed before, it found it knew them. Because the information was in its brain, everything was in its brain. There was nothing to learn.

The place it was supposed not to leave was the old building they called <laboratory>. It was a little house with a lot of rooms for every task they needed to work in. The entrance was attached to the living room and the dining room. Behind the dining room was the kitchen and it had a door that led to the backyard, the garden and the greenhouse.

In front of the living room was a hallway that led to the main Lab room, Erwin Smith’s office and common bathroom, and in the back, Erwin Smith’s room and private bathroom, the library and the storage.

L-3 was supposed to sleep on a little bed in the main Lab. And it was allowed to enter in every space but it decided not to enter Erwin Smith’s room in any case, since he was the creator, that was a space meant only for him.

The shifts were distributed in different areas of the Laboratory. The morning shift with the person it recognized as one of the assistans, Moblit, was in the kitchen. They were supposed to prepare the food that was going to be consumed through the whole day. Cooking, and cleaning was its task, and Moblit had a rich knowledge in the area. He explained clearly, and commanded softly. 

He explained what everything was while they worked with every material.

It tasted and smelled a lot of new things. The task of cleaning and cooking was simple, as in world 1, everything had their action > reaction. If it used a knife, it cutted, if it put something on the fire, it cooked.

Though world 1 never had much interaction with human beings apart from the creator, that only gave instructions, commands and information. Humans were the only thing that differed from L3’s memory: They were difficult to anticipate. They never acted how it expected, and they did a lot of <weird> things.

Like this Moblit person; he spoke in a hushed voice and stuttered.

It didn’t understand the purpose. It made the task of giving commands harder, in fact. Why make a task harder?

He stuttered in every phrase he spoke, though there were moments that triggered this reaction more and less.

The presence of the other assistant, for example, triggered it significantly.

Cooking, on the other hand, made it almost disappear.

Moblit shift lasted from 8AM to noon. The breakfast was in-between. Every meal was in the kitchen for it while they ate in the dining room.

They made sure to leave everything ready and clean to go through the day, and then it readied to the next shift with the other assistant.

This was the main assistant, for all it could tell. Their voice was the one it heard the most even when it was still in world 1 and didn’t know the source; Hange.

Hange’s task was to keep something like the work in world 1: Teach, give information about different subjects. 

And Hange had an extremely good knowledge about a lot of different subjects.

They taught about the outside world,how it worked, about people, tasks and jobs. They spoke about other places in the world, the distribution of countries and cities, the war and politics.

They also teach it about their job on the Lab (developing the artificial tissue that formed every organ in its body. Except the skin surface) and how human bodies worked, and also, its own since there were slight differences.

Hange’s knowledge about androids was vast and it didn’t take it long to understand everything about itself and its necessities. Though some of the things they taught seemed new it understood them at once, it was like they were already stored in its AI. Like there was nothing new about them, like they were merely a reminder.

Though Hange’s words and orders were simple, there was something about Hange that L3 didn’t know the source: Hange didn’t stutter a single phrase, but they yelled, fidgeted and drooled, especially when speaking about computer code language.

Code wasn’t a necessary subject cause everything that happened inside L3’s mind was, in nature, code. And yet Hange always ended up speaking about it.

Glitches, viruses and how they appeared in code was their most spoken matter since, they said, they have been researching about it their entire life. And the unknown behavior started when they spoke about it. It was the trigger.

L-3 knew about human behavior in theory. But it found it only had definitions that didn’t always match the things it saw.

Humans were not mere Action>Reaction. It always expected they behaved in one way, and they did in a very different one.

Hange gave “homework” too so it could practice in the free time it had at night. It consisted of reading different books at the library, writing essays and then comment them with them. They presented different scenarios to nurture its AI, and knowledge of other times and languages.

From books that spoke about a specific matter objectively to novels.

It understood plots and language as if they were already in its mind before reading every book, but some books spoke about those things it couldn’t pinpoint about humans. Half the things in those books sounded too foreign for L-3. 

It always thought if it couldn’t understand humans, the answer would be in those books, but it was nowhere to be found. Humans didn’t wonder the source of those things, it supposed, as books didn’t explain them. Everything was implied in their behavior, they lived through them. 

All of this wasn’t in world 1.

Hange’s shift lasted from 2pm to 6pm. They ate their dinner and then Moblit and Hange would leave for their houses.

Erwin Smith’s shift was outside, in the garden and greenhouse and consisted solely on fixing it since the majority of the plants were dry or dead.

And that was it.

Through books and Moblit’s teachings, L-3 already knew how to take care of it. It was as simple as following Erwin Smith’s orders.

He was the only one who seemed simple for L-3. He wouldn’t speak for anything more than give orders and they barely saw each other to the end of the shift when Erwin retired to the living room, where he would read, drink tea and play chess alone. To finally go to his room and sleep.

L-3 spent the night working on Hange’s homework and then slept its 3 hours that, it considered, was enough for it to rest and function properly the whole day. None of its tasks needed a lot of energy so it didn’t want to waste time sleeping if it wasn’t necessary.

There was free time at dawn. While Erwin Smith slept.

At first L-3 wandered around the Laboratory, examining every object in it. It visited the garden at night to find beings that weren't there in daylight. Little insects. 

Until its mind was already familiar with them and their behavior.

Then there was nothing new about anything. Even if from the beginning it felt that way because for every new bug it found there was already a name and information stored in its head.

It decided to stay in the library.

The books were the only thing that contained information it didn’t understand. So it read everything it could. Books that Hange never asked it to read, and books that they did but never talked about the things L3 didn’t understand.

Time passed and everything repeated itself.

Moblit, the kitchen, the food, the cleaning (the **imperfect** cleaning), the stuttering, the explanations. Preparations of meals, tea. The herbs, the condiments, vegetables and fruits.

The meals alone in the kitchen.

Hange’s already known information, tasks and homework. Their relentless rambling about code, glitches and viruses. Their noises and facial expressions.

Plants, insects, birds and the neighbour's cat in the backyard. Sneaking in everyday because it knew if it meowed enough, Erwin Smith would feed it and then let it rest on his lap while he took a rest from the garden work.

At first it was like a void inside it. Like it wasn’t really ready to be in that world. It wondered why that information wasn’t stored in its AI. There must be a reason. The creator didn’t make mistakes, Erwin Smith didn’t make mistakes.

It was relieved that, at least him, Erwin Smith...wasn’t full of things it didn’t understand. 

Or so it thought.

Humans are emotional creatures, they behave in very distinctive ways depending on the situation. Moblit and Hange were the proof of it. That considered…

Why was Erwin Smith so simple?

He was the only one who made everything on time. He woke up at 7am everyday, had his breakfast at 8:30AM, and entered his office at 9AM. All his shifts started at the same hour and he retired to his room at 11:30pm.

He was the only one that gave clear orders and didn’t waste time speaking and teaching things that L-3 already knew.

It thought a little more about it. Erwin worked very calmly, moving from one point to the other in the garden; watering flowers and weeding.

But on further observation, it noticed something… there were moments in which he stayed in one place for a long time, not doing anything at all. He just stayed sitting next to the flowers, sometimes smiling slightly.

Moblit’s stuttering was disruptive, it made it waste time. Hange was too unnecessarily loud. Both of their behaviors were like an explosion of unknown things for L-3. 

And there was Erwin, calm and serene, like something about that behavior wasn’t meant to be understood… it was <haunting>.

L-3 only understood about creatures that worked out of pure instinct. Like birds and bugs. It wanted to learn about humans, it found itself researching insatiably in those books. But the answer was not there.

It thought again that maybe there was something wrong, not with the information it possessed but with itself. If everything always had sense for it, why does THIS didn't have any? Moblit's stuttering, Hange's changes, Erwin's simplicity. Why weren't they talking about that? Wasn't that part important to know about? It wasn't intended to understand that? Why are they teaching it about things that it could learn on its own? From code glitches to cooking... ALL these things were simple; Action>Reaction.

What made humans so complex?

It decided to ask.

Just to be confirmed humans never gave the expected answer.

Asking Moblit why he always stuttered resulted in him stuttering even more. Asking Hange why did they yell so much resulted in Hange yelling even more.

"I MEAN WHY NOT???!! BECAUSE THIS IS EXCITING!"

"<Exciting>"...

This method wasn’t working.

If they won't bring a satisfactory answer to its questions then it would try in a different way: 

"Why does Moblit always stutter when he talks?"

"Aaaaah.. because he's always nervous...he's a little neurotic, you see... but don't mind it"

Don't mind it…?

"Why does Hange fidgets that much?"

"Be- because they really like to talk about those virus and things....i-i mean...they get excited when speaking about it"

"Excited" again...

Like the words that always appeared in literature; <excited>, <happy>, <sad>... :

**adjective**

  1. stirred emotionally; agitated



**adjective**

  1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing



**adjective**

  1. affected by unhappiness or grief; sorrowful or mournful



It was a loop, it had no sense. The answer contained more questions than the initial doubt. The books that mentioned it didn't explain them. Humans didn't explain it. Why was it so different? What does it have to do to understand it too? To live through those words to feel that way. 

<Feel>?

It decided to learn on its own. Observation was its best tool. To learn how humans act, how they move, how they speak and interact with each other… was the best way of knowing the source.

So it started to give more focus to the teachers than the teachings. It got itself called out by Hange a couple of times for “staring <creepily>” but it kept doing it.

Moblit had this very distinctive way of triggering his own alert response all the time. His body temperature rose, his hands started trembling and his face blushed in certain situations. Usually when Hange was involved, now why? It was like he was always overly preoccupied for something. 

It still didn’t understand why but at least could pinpoint the triggers better now.

Hange was a little simpler but their behavior outside of the shift was interesting too. Apparently always relaxed, they laughed and acted friendly around everyone in that house. Even to it. Hange talked a LOT, they were easily the most talkative person there. Their body language was erratic and disorganized.

Erwin Smith was a mystery. He talked like an authority figure and at the same time, like he was in the same place in the hierarchy than the other two. Which wasn’t true.

The only change on him it could notice was the apparent lack of sleep that showed in his tired look some days. Dark circles below his eyes, which made him less talkative and prone to those episodes of apparent disconnection with the world.

It consumed every piece of information it could by looking. And after three weeks doing it it came to the conclusion that it was totally useless.

The source was still missing. It wasn’t theory. 

It lacked substance. It could not be learnt, it had to be their way: experiencing it.

And how could it experience something that it didn’t understand?

By imitation, perhaps?

\---

One night, L-3 found itself wondering about all of this in its new sleeping spot in the library, where it could always be near the books. Sitting on an old wooden chair.

It made its room to the bathroom and stopped by the mirror.

It was the first time it gave any attention to its reflection.

Looking at itself it noticed how different it seemed from humans. Expressionless… there was no way it could be mistaken as a human even though it had everything a human would have. 

In it...it noticed that lack of substance. It was the visual representation of its own state; a thing, an object. A computer made to understand everything

that couldn’t understand a thing…

It remembered some time ago when Hange said their hair was too long and Moblit helped to cut it off. Its hair growed too and now it was so long it reached its shoulders so it usually kept it tied. 

“Don’t cut it so short, Moblit. I like to use it tied! If my hair is too short it doesn’t feel like me, y’now?”

That's what they said. “It doesn’t feel like me”.

Humans change their appearance. They like to be seen in a particular way by others, and that way is unique amongst all humans. 

There’s not two humans that look exactly the same in the world. But it can be as many L-3s as its creator wanted.

It stared at the mirror again and with no hesitation, grabbed the scissors and cut the long black hair short. Shorter than anyone in that house.

It looked again at the mirror...

It didn’t understand what made humans decide which facial expression matched how they felt. But just for a second, it remembered the way Erwin Smith looked when he’s lost in thought in the garden. 

Then how he looks when he’s bored and tired in his office. For some reason, whatever he’s thinking or feeling, it seemed like the correct way now.

With its hair short and a sour expression on its face it understood…

That it was no human, and it will never be.

\--

“Heeeeeyyy! You cut its hair, Erwin?!”

“N...no,i didn’t”

“What?! Did you do it yourself, L-3?!”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

A pause.

“Because it didn’t feel like me”

Hange and Erwin stared at it for a second with a weird expression on their faces. But they left it as that.

It thought about this decision. Changing how it looked was just the first step in order to experience. The next was making itself look like humans look. Having its own way of walking, moving and expressing. It didn’t want to copy but reference, it didn’t want to be like any of the people in that laboratory. It wanted to be unique, to obliterate the possibility of creating a new android identical to it.

Observing, it realized Moblit and Hange were not particularly aware of the way they acted, they always seemed at random, too messy and it didn’t like that. It liked it more like Erwin was: calculated and spotless. But in its very own way.

It wanted to **look** like it’s always aware of its actions. Like the cat that sneaks in the garden; Cats were always ready to act, their movement was fast and precise. They were always watching, they were always alert. So it was always alert too.

It noticed too that no matter what question it asked, Hange and Moblit won’t change anything of their teachings. They answered and then came back to the subject they were speaking before. It didn’t want that. They decided what L3 was meant to learn and forbid the things it desired to. They treated it like a pet you can train, they were always way to friendly despite the fact that they’ll make decisions for it. 

They will never explain it, will they? 

As far as it knew there was no order about not answering those questions to it. Erwin Smith never mentioned it.

It was like those two felt superior to it…

It wanted to look in a way that made them think twice before feeling like they could act superior in any way.

From posture to facial and body expression. It learnt how to look threatening. 

It walked with heavy steps but calculated movement.

Its expression cold but never blank. Because it thought they were too careless and made the work of reading their expressions and guessing what they were thinking easy for L-3. So it wanted to be unreadable.

It took some time and practice in front of the mirror at night, there weren't many examples out there so it had to improvise, to create its own ways. There were some books on the matter too, but it learnt more from books about martial arts and dancing because in order to do these two things you need to be able to know how to control your body.

Moblit was the test subject of its improvements. His conversations became shorter with time, he stuttered more around it and made more mistakes, he almost cut his finger off with the knife one day after L-3 asked him a question whose answer was not satisfactory, L-3 just stared at him directly in the eyes, with a scold. It made him utterly uncomfortable or so it seemed because he kept working so messily that L-3 had to stop him before he caused an accident on himself.

Hange in the other hand looked curious and nothing more.

It wasn’t working.

And for all the energy spent in the task it didn’t feel any closer to understand them.

\--

One day, after Hange’s shift L-3 was having its dinner alone in the kitchen like everyday. It noticed Erwin asked his assistants to stay later that day and they were talking in the dining room. Then it heard Hange calling it.

It approached the table slowly.

"L-3, sorry to interrupt your meal. We wanted to ask you something!"

It waited for the question

"Err..we want to know if you see any difference between the three of us"

Any differences? It was like asking if there were any differences between all the plants and every single petal of the flowers in the garden and greenhouse. 

The three of them? It couldn’t mean that. Differences in the lab? What were they in front of it? That must be it.

"You both are assistants. And he's the creator." As simple as that.

The three of them looked at it as if the answer wasn’t what they were expecting. 

Why wouldn't it be? This was probably the only thing it knew from the moment it opened its eyes. Even before that. And they were looking at it as if it wasn’t supposed to.

“How do…” Erwin Smith stopped Hange from asking and sent L3 back to the kitchen.

When it was back it stopped and wondered what was all of that about...And there it freezed.

After these two months it never asked itself about this.

Erwin Smith was its creator and it knew that, but what does this mean? It just noticed it’s been avoiding to treat him like the others.

Of course it’s been avoiding to treat him like the others, because he is **not** like the others. Hange and Moblit had been treating it like a tool, like an object. Filling it with unnecessary information it didn’t want to learn. Acting as if they understood everything and knew everything around it, like they didn’t need to be clear about the questions it asked. 

But Erwin Smith....is just himself.

And now that it considers it...Erwin Smith is the one it understands the least. But it hasn’t even tried to. 

Because Erwin Smith is its creator. Because Erwin Smith is the simplest of them, and that makes him the most complex.

Because Erwin Smith doesn’t make it look like he considers himself above it. Even though he IS.

There was something about the fact that Erwin Smith is its creator that always meant an implied <respect> to him and it has never even thought about it.

“Respect…”

L-3 put one hand on its face as if its head hurt.

Because something about all of this was the most complex situation it has ever been in.

Respect?

Respect…Happiness, excitement, sadness.

Along with these words, this was one of the things it didn’t understand and it used it so naturally.

Now it really felt like its head hurts so it put both hands on its face.

Respect?

It just used the word as it was trying to explain itself how it felt.

How it…

Felt…?

A sound in the dining room put it back in the place it was. And it pretended nothing was happening and helped to wash the dishes as everyone was leaving.

\---

  
  


It made its way to the garden and started to work on the flowers, planning to occupy itself in order not to keep thinking about all of that. That headache seemed real and it was probably because it’s been over-filling its head with questions without an answer. Too much information.

The sound of heavy footsteps called its attention and it looked in the direction of the sound. Erwin Smith was standing in front of the lavenders, with his eyes closed and a little grin in his mouth. He was lost in thought again, like he always was.

Erwin Smith was the person that created it the way it is, it somehow implied that it could be able to understand him better than anyone and yet, there it is. Erwin Smith was so different to it that it never even tried.

Erwin Smith wasn’t meant to be understood. Like humans don’t try to understand their creator.

L-3 thought that whatever it was doing, it’s been doing it alone. Erwin may be its creator but it wasn’t a God, and the difference was that he was right there, in front of it. Approachable. 

It understood then that maybe its first mistake was not asking the questions to the person that most likely would know how to answer them.

So before Erwin could speak it dropped all the tools in its hands and tried to voice the thing that didn’t feel right inside of it. 

“I don’t understand…”

\--

Erwin Smith seemed puzzled for a moment and then he spoke

“What don’t you understand, L-3?”

“...Nothing…”

Erwin Smith furrowed his eyebrows and stood in front of it trying to find its eyes with his own.

“Nothing, L-3? Could you explain yourself better?”

“Everyday that passes I'm being forced to learn things I already know. And the things I want to know about don’t find their answers. They won’t teach me about it, no matter how much i ask…”

“They? Moblit and Hange?”

“Yes…”

“What are the things you want to know about?”

“I…I want to understand them. I want to understand... you. I want to know why humans act as they do. I want to know...what is…” 

This was the first time it needed to say this out loud and from this point it just didn’t know if this was supposed to go this way. Hange told it once that some androids escaped from their creators and lived on their own, thinking they were humans or something alike. They said that was wrong, that it was a mistake of their creators. A thing that shouldn’t happen. Would Erwin Smith think it is going that way if it said that? Was him going to deactivate it? 

But it was too late already. If Erwin Smith considered L-3 was malfunctioning maybe it was, and if he knew a way to stop this...it would take it.

“...to feel”

On top of everything it didn’t understand was Erwin’s reaction to what it just said. If there was an unexpected reaction then it has to be THIS one because Erwin opened his eyes in surprise and grinned broadly. It was the first time L-3 saw him smiling like that.

Was he pleased about it being so utterly confused?

It seemed a good moment to replicate Erwin Smith’s first reaction to L-3’s words so it frowned and then he was back, apparently.

He coughed and cleared his throat.

“L-3....Do you want a cup of tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention in the first chapter that seasons in this fic works on Southern Hemisphere. So, yeah, it's actually summer in Christmas.  
> This chapter is the only one who explains the origins of L-3's creation, AKA World 1, so please let me know if you don't understand something about it.  
> Also de usage of things like [] and <> usually have the purpose of giving a special emphasis at how L-3 is thinking about things.  
> I know the pronoun "it" is VERY confusing, and again, i'm sorry for it. It was terribly difficult to write.  
> Let me know what do you think.  
> 


	3. The balcony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Repeating tags for references to irl literature.

L-3’s meals consisted of food created to provide energy. Androids were supposed to look and act like humans in every way possible so they were provided with an artificial digestive system. It was the most natural way of making them recharge without needing any kind of electricity or fossil fuel. Just like humans.

But that didn’t mean its food was created to taste good, it could be considered as a waste of resources that were meant for humans.

So its meals were small but consistent. It didn’t mind, in fact, it never considered it.

Until now.

It entered the dining room with Erwin Smith and waited for him to prepare tea. It was the first time it could taste it even though it prepared it everyday in the morning with Moblit. Moblit explained the different kinds of tea and what kind of flowers, fruits and herbs would go well with it so it could prepare it in the future.

But until today it never considered to actually drink it, so now with a cup of tea in front of it... and sitting at the table it thought it was new. It wanted to try it.

So the first sip was slow. The tea was hot and it burnt its tongue. It tried again.

Black tea then. And...mint?

Compared to all it has put in its mouth before this was the best, this was the first time it tasted something that made it want to taste it again, more often, always.

The smell was good too.

“Do you like it?”

L-3 considered the question for some time

“Yes”

Erwin lowered his cup and it made a loud noise when it hit the plate. He went serious.

“Then, L-3, you  **do** understand”

It looked at him for some time.

You do <understand>

You do understand...

You <DO> understand

No, it made no sense.

“Wh..”

“Tell me why do you like the tea”

It thought it was an easy question at first. Because it tasted better than everything else. But, better? how could it explain <better>? Actually in cases like this it would answer with logic; Food tastes <good> when it was in a good state and <bad> when it was rotten or it was not edible for a reason. Was it that simple? It has never consumed not-edible food, all the food it gets it’s meant to be eaten, it’s in a good state. 

And even, if you put it that way, the tea would be the less edible thing of all it has tasted because it was basically water made with dried plants.

Then WHY? Why did it like it?

“I don’t understand…” it lowered the cup

“I don’t understand” it put its hands in its temples. What was it?

“I don’t understand!!” Not yet. The sum of all its intents of comprehending humans suddenly crushing in its head.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND!” Almost there. There must be a word, a way of taking that headache and pull it out of its head at once. There was one, in those books.

“No, i don’t <FUCKING> understand!” That worked.

Erwin opened his eyes widely and then sighed

“I wonder if it’s a book in my library…”

What was he talking about NOW?

“Nevermind….Well, my intention is not to break you, L-3. But you’ve done two interesting things now that shows that you actually understand us better than you think”

“What?”

“You like tea....For me, if someone asks me why I like something I could try to give a long explanation but the truth is that there’s not an actual reason. I even think we don’t have any power over our tastes. We like or dislike things and that’s it.

As for the bad word...well...You said the same phrase a couple of times but there’s a reason why you decided to add that word that last time, isn’t it? Because you were frustrated. You recalled someone that used that word before, understood the situation in which they used it and applied it to your own.”

“Frustrated?”

[Frustration]

**noun**

  1. The feeling of being annoyed or less confident because you cannot achieve what you want.



That was exactly it.

“The feeling…” It repeated quietly when it read it’s own words in its mind as the computer in its head gave it the definition of that word.

“L-3, I created you so you could be something that hasn’t been created yet. I tried the same with the K-22 but even if it asked a lot of questions and started to replicate our behavior and the ones of the people it interacted with...it never asked me this. It never looked like it wanted to understand anything apart from its tasks.and i never felt or saw anything unusual on it...at least while it was here…” He rubbed his chin with his index finger “It was difficult, yeah, for some reason… it wasn’t very fond of following orders though it still did. Now the interesting thing was when it left to this Uri Reiss person’s house. Apparently it behaves there...But well, my point is... what you’re doing now is new to me and it’s worth some investigation. I would like it if we could do something about it. What do you think?”

“How…?”

“Well, we’re going to do exactly as we’ve been doing in the past, but now you’ll voice these things. At least to me, okay? We’ll try to figure things out together”.

It wasn’t a malfunction then. If the creator is Ok with it and wants to investigate it, then it is the right thing to do. 

It looked at its cup of tea once more.

So...it didn’t need a reason to like it? Oh, it sounded so simple...but it still wasn’t. Humans didn’t need a reason because they apparently just felt things, they bloomed inside of them. While nothing bloomed inside of L-3… It was only a matter of action>reaction that made its computer start functioning. The code that was meant to understand and action, think of the best way to react and execute it in record time. L-3 was a machine and even if it didn’t want to admit it; it was a tool, an object. Even if there was a heartbeat in its chest like humans have, it lacked substance. It lacked…

“Are you Ok?”

This was the first time someone asked it that

“Yes! I…yes, i am”

“You spaced out there…”

Did it?

“You do that a lot too…”

Erwin chuckled. And it sounded so different from Hange’s burst of laughter

“I guess I do. We aren’t that different”

There must be a word to reply to that…

[Lie]

[Incorrect]

[Impossible]

It wasn’t any of that. It has to keep researching.

“Yes, we are”

“What do you mean?”

“We are so different. I don't even know why  **you** get lost in thought. But based on the expressions you make when you do i can imagine it has something to do with all those things about humans i don’t understand and i’m not capable of experience. I was just focusing on the information in my hard disk. Sometimes it’s processed instantly and sometimes i need to give it some time…”

“I will explain it to you, then. When I space out is because of different things...Generally is because I'm looking for an answer in my mind, you see, sometimes when I need to react to something immediately, my mind processes the information on its own and the reaction comes instantly. It’s called instinct and it’s part of every living being, human or animal. But sometimes I need to focus on it, search for the right answer in my brain, where all the information is being processed.” He finished this phrase with a grin that appeared to be pointing out something.

“Ok you don’t need to do that. I get it”

Erwin chuckled again.

“The AI and my hard disk are meant to function the same way as a human brain. It doesn’t mean we experience things in the same way”

“You want to understand us or become human, L-3…?”

L-3 said it didn’t understand and Erwin’s question implied the correct answer was the first one. Hange said it too...and it didn’t want to make mistakes with him.

“Understand you…”

“Then you do understand, as i said. And it’s gonna be easier for you if you experience them by yourself with the resources you have. Like with the tea! Maybe you’re incapable of having  **feelings** and i’m not the right person to explain them to you but you’re capable of  **sensing** , we gave you that ability. So as long as you focus on how you sense things you’ll understand how we do it too. And the frustration too. It’s difficult to explain, L-3, but you can have  _ emotions _ and yet not _ feelings _ .”He made a little pause like he was struggling with his words “...And through the things your code and your senses allow you to experience you can understand us”.

They finished their tea and Erwin left to his room not before thanking L3 for opening its discomforts to him. It just nodded and left to its spot in the Lab, amongst the half finished projects and the screens it sat on a chair in the darkness.

It thought again in Erwin’s little laugh and it wondered what does it have to do to hear it again. With that in mind it fell asleep.

\--

[...]

_ But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? _

_ It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. _

_ Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, _

_ Who is already sick and pale with grief, _

_ That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she. _

_ Be not her maid since she is envious. _

_ Her vestal livery is but sick and green, _

_ And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off! _

_ It is my lady. Oh, it is my love. _

_ Oh, that she knew she were! _

_ She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that? _

_ Her eye discourses. I will answer it.— _

_ I am too bold. 'Tis not to me she speaks. _

_ Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, _

_ Having some business, do entreat her eyes _

_ To twinkle in their spheres till they return. _

_ What if her eyes were there, they in her head? _

_ The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars _

_ As daylight doth a lamp. Her eye in heaven _

_ Would through the airy region stream so bright _

_ That birds would sing and think it were not night. _

_ See how she leans her cheek upon her hand. _

_ Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand _

_ That I might touch that cheek! _

[...]

Three hours later it woke up and remained silent in its place.

Was it that book, wasn’t it? The one Hange told it to read some days ago. Though it couldn’t understand why was it recalling it in its sleep. 

Hange asked it to read it to see if it was capable of understanding the language, which was the same as the one they spoke but in one of its older versions. 

It thought again how the words weren’t any hard for it, but the meaning… Once again it was given to it to teach something that wasn’t a problem, and the thing it wanted to understand didn’t find its answer. 

There must be a word for it too, when the person who puts you in this world is only focused on making you act how they want you to act, or when they want you to learn what they want to teach. <Selfish> fitted it, but it wasn’t the way L-3 wanted to say it...

The man who spoke to a woman in those arranged verses wanted her to understand not the words but the feelings, there was something she inspired in him that made him speak like there was so much more than words to say. Like the entire world was an instrument for that purpose so he borrowed every single thing he could so the lady upon the balcony could grasp to that essence, to that substance that enriched the words beyond the meaning. A language that was foreign to it. As foreign as if it was made on another planet.

So it looked through the window at the moon to see if it woke up something, anything inside of it apart from its code lines explaining what was that shining satellite that reflected the sun’s light.

But nothing happened.

Because there was nothing inside of it.

And Erwin knew that. 

It could never be able to experience it. Just with some luck, it could probably be able to understand the rational part of it, the one that came from instinct like the cat who visits the garden and does the exact same things everyday.

It hid itself from the dim light the moon reflected because, for some reason, the darkness was more suitable now, for someone who was created to understand everything.

But couldn’t understand a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how delayed this chapter is, i feel very disconnected to Eruri lately but, luckily, this chapters were wrote before i felt this way and i'll keep updating with them for now.  
> Thank you for reasing, thank you for your kind commentaries.
> 
> Welcome to L-3's mind, welcome to not understanding Erwin.


	4. Substance

First days of March were as warm as all this summer has been. Some of the berries were blooming already and the garden was full of flowers of all kinds. L-3 was in the greenhouse taking care of them. 

Flowers were alive beings too and it wondered if there were things about them to understand too. Though they seemed rather simple and for once it could say it liked it that way. It didn’t know if flowers had feelings but for something that was alive, and “breathing”, they looked like they only needed the basics. It recalled that conversation.

“We aren’t that different...” it said caressing one of the petals gently. 

This time the one who said it really meant it.

It walked back to the garden and noticed Erwin resting under one of the trees’ shadow. He was asleep, apparently. With the black cat on his chest. 

It allowed itself to watch the scene for some time. The chest that moved up and down with the cat, the relaxed face, the golden hair moved by the wind.

How could they be so similar and yet so different at the same time? What was the final ingredient human’s creator poured inside of them that made them so vast? 

What was that final piece and was it possible for it to get it? Even a part of it? 

Was the answer in those books? It couldn’t risk Erwin thinking there was something wrong with it. But for now it seemed like as long as it remained in the Lab nothing would happen.

The conversation with him that day had a special meaning for it even if Erwin confirmed its suspicions about not being able to bear  _ feelings _ like humans do (Though it didn’t understand the difference between feelings and emotions, the two words Erwin used to say it could probably get to understand them). This was the first time it asked something and the person listened and tried to explain it to it. Not the thing they wanted to explain but the thing  **L-3** wanted to know. Erwin invited it to the table with him, he served tea, and they talked the same way he does with his assistants.

It wanted to know what made Erwin laugh and why was he wondering if it learnt that word in a book in his library (which was true, it learnt it in a novel about a thug who fought against gangsters in the big city. He used that kind of term quite often though it didn’t know why that word seemed correct to use it at the moment, it DID work for the purpose it intended to use it for). Erwin seemed relaxed when he laughed. But for some reason, the majority of the time he looks tense or tired and apparently his assistants won’t do anything to help him in that matter.

Resuming its work it kept thinking in those two and the fact they seemed so surprised about L-3 knowing Erwin was its creator. Something inside of it told it that even with all the research Hange did they couldn’t be able to write an AI code even if their life depended on it. Because there was some kind of understanding that was necessary for it that Hange, who appeared more interested in seeing how bad and error could get, lacked. As for Moblit, he was an engineer, and a helper. Actually he was the one with the lowest rank of those three. The assistant’s assistant.

And they were so bewildered at the idea that L-3 knew immediately that it wasn’t them who created the thing that made it able to interact with the world? 

L-3 knew how ranks in a place like this worked even if they kept trying so hard to make it appear like they don’t have such thing in the Lab. And kept thinking L-3 was too much of an <idiot _ > _ to notice.

So, now, it wondered. If they were so obsessed with not showing that they had ranks there… Why do those two only speak friendly with each other? Erwin was always left to work on his own. He was always alone and it looked like all that time for himself wasn’t helping him. Because it made him space out and work harder. While the others had a lot of Television and tea breaks, Erwin was always in his office doing paperwork. And that explained why he always looked so tense.

L-3 wanted to help but its day was covered with the shifts.

It thought about Hange’s laugh compared to Erwin’s. Hange laughed a lot and they looked relaxed when they did too. It was always something someone said. As Erwin laughed at the things L-3 said…

Its shift with Erwin was three hours long and after that they had part of the night before Erwin left to sleep. They never actually talked in those times before the day of the conversation and barely after. Maybe it could do more for him.And speak more with him too.

What was the point of learning how to serve tea and make food if it only used it to help Moblit? It didn’t want that, it wanted to help Erwin to be more relaxed.

That was its job. To keep its creator alive and healthy. To keep him relaxed and satisfied.

\--

This time it needed to go and wake him up before the night fell. Erwin excused himself for sleeping through the whole shift but as long as it served him to take some rest it was Ok for L-3.

When they entered the Lab Erwin walked to the kitchen and it followed

“Do you want me to make some tea?”

Erwin looked like he wasn’t expecting the question at all.

“Oh..i can do it myself. You see, even if you take care of the place with us I don't really want to use you like a maid.”

Erwin spoke as if he was too used to doing it with other humans. Moblit and Hange never seemed to consider its view in that way. It put its hand on top of Erwin’s to stop him.

“Why not?” It took the teapot from his hands “You keep acting as if all of you didn’t have any hierarchy in this Laboratory. Though we both know that’s not true. And if we put me in, i would be the one with the lowest rank. Even below Moblit”

Erwin looked like he was trying really hard to understand what was it saying until that last part, then he chuckled.

“Even below Moblit…” He repeated “We don’t have a hierarchy, L-3. And you’re not a maid. You’re here to learn” He tried to take the teapot out of L3’s hands but it took it away.

“Here to learn what? I’m here to serve. All the things i’m supposed to learn I already know. And all the things i want to know don’t find their answer. I’m a research subject. You think a machine would feel discomfort on being addressed as the help? Machines don’t feel”

There was something wrong with that last statement. Like something you don’t want to say but you know it’s true, so you just do. There has to be a word for that…

It looked at the teapot while its internal clock counted the minutes for it to be ready.

Erwin was silent too, there was something that it never saw before in his face. He looked directly to its eyes and furrowed his eyebrows like he was in pain. Until he finally spoke.

“It has to be the way you’ve been acting lately...or maybe i’m just not used to share with an android even though i’ve been building robots since i was a child...but…” He looked away “Sometimes i just forget you’re one”

It wished it could forget too

“Appearances do that” it poured the tea in two clean cups and they sat in the dining room, Erwin next to the fireplace, L-3 in the table again.

“Talk to me about something you don’t understand. I can try to explain it to you”

There were so many things it was difficult to pick one.

“Why does Hange and Moblit keep insisting on teaching me things I already know?”

“Because you think you know them because your AI understands them well. There’s not that much information there as you think… the path is just cleared for it to be decoded quickly…”

“What about the things i want to know? Why is the path not cleared for those things?”

“Because you weren’t made to be interested in that...”

So there  **was** something wrong with it? L-3 didn’t notice it was holding its cup tightly, Erwin appeared to do though.

“I’ve always known I wanted to create something that wasn’t created before. But i never knew how was i supposed to do that…and WHAT was it... I only know that the androids that are out there in the light are always like you were in your first week. And the AI only contains the necessary information for them to do their tasks...i just...gave you everything i could think of…” There was a pause like he remembered something “...Can i ask you something?”

Why was he even asking for permission?

“Yes, you can..”

“How did you know i was your creator..?”

He finally asked.

“If you were born blind...and then someone gave you sight...Would you consider you were born that day?”

“No…”

“The awakening is the moment i got sight. But I was born when you started working on my AI. I don’t know how long it took...but all the process...when my mind was totally basic, when I began to learn, when I solved problems,… I was there.... _ sensing _ ….”

“Yes, i know that but how did you know it was  **me** ?”

“Because i could sense you. At the beginning I only knew there was someone, this person taught me everything I know. This person gave me their points of view. Then I got hearing, taste, smell, touch...i could differentiate you from the other people.”

Erwin just stared at the fire calmly and took his time to answer.

“Two years”

“What?”

“Two years….it’s the time it took me to work in your AI”

It wasn’t that much, and at the same time...considering it’s been awake only for around two months, it was a long time.

“You have known me for two years and i have known you only for two months”

“You give too much importance to the awakening. You have known me for two years too. Humans are born with a basic mind too. So, even if my response at that time was simple, it was me.”

“...You’re right”

There was a moment of silence. It wondered if Erwin was thinking in what it said...if there was something wrong with it. Maybe it’s being too familiar with him, saying things like that. But he finally spoke again.

“You don’t like Moblit and Hange”

Erwin Smith, once again, proving that it’s impossible for it to guess what’s gonna be his new move. Was that even a question? It was hard to answer so, it just looked away.

And Erwin chuckled again trying to force it to look at him in the eyes.

“So you don't” He said, still with some laughter in his mouth.

“Is not that I don't. I’m just tired of their ‘classes’. How did you know that?”

“Because you’ve been saying you learn things you don’t want to learn and they are the ones who teach you the most. I, sadly, haven’t spent my time smartly, and leave you to take care of the garden….and barely spoke or taught you anything. Maybe you don’t like me either but i was too shy to ask. Also, you really said ‘even below Moblit’, didn’t you?”

He was too <shy> to ask for himself?

“That wasn’t meant in a bad way, isn’t Moblit Hange’s assistant? And isn’t Hange YOUR assistant?”

“I guess you’re right but i remind you once again that we don’t have a hierarchy here.”

It was late already and they both finished their tea. Erwin got up from his seat and took both the teacups with him to the kitchen. Before he could leave L-3 grabbed him by his shirt’s sleeve.

“I  **do** like you…” It just said it but now it wondered if it was the right thing to say.

Erwin made a face it has never seen before again but then he looked like he remembered something and went back to normal. L-3 let go of his sleeve

“That’s good because those two are taking vacations next week so... we will be working alone for some time” He said smiling “Good night, L3-V1.”

For some reason, it felt like there was something important about saying it’s full prototype name.   
“Good night”

\---

“Are you sad because your favorite teacher is gonna be out for two weeks, L-3?”

“In depression....”

“I KNEW IT! But don’t worry, i’ll bring you a gift. We’re gonna go to the beach! You have never seen the sea, shorty. Do you know what it is?”

_ Shorty? _ Who do they think they are?

“Do i look like an idiot to you….,glasses?”

“Erwin! Were we supposed to create an android or a sassy bitch?”

Erwin laughed “You get what you deserve, Hange”

“You should let us take it with us to the beach, Erwin. Maybe it’s this sour because it haven’t been out in all this time. The K-22 loved our strolls”

“I don’t want to let it go outside yet. Besides, you two are supposed to rest.”

“I like that L-3 is having its breakfast with us now. I don’t know where did you learn what’s an idiot, shorty. But i’m quite sure you aren’t one because it took longer to the K-22 to start speaking so naturally.”

“W- Why do our machines always act like they hate us?” Moblit avoided L-3’s eyes.

It appeared like L-3’s intents on making itself look threatening worked on Moblit better than anyone else.

“I would like to know that too, Moblit. Why don’t you ask L-3 directly?”

Moblit blushed and though he looked in L-3’s direction, he lowered his gaze in order not to meet its eyes.

“W-who teach you to speak and act like t-that, L-3? Don’t you know H..Hange is y-your creator too? Y….You should respect them more!” 

His hands were trembling while he held his cup of coffee like it was his only support.

Erwin and Hange were silent, waiting for the answer.

“That’s debatable” It didn’t feel like it needed to be worried about its answer. The only thing L-3 feared is for Erwin to think it’s necessary to deactivate it. And now he looked way too curious to be considering that. “Erwin is my creator. You two are like my doctors, and my teachers. As for who taught me to speak like this...i learnt on my own since you two won’t teach me anything useful”.

“...A sassy bitch indeed” Hange was a tough one. Nothing intimidated or bothered them.

Moblit blushed aggressively, and finally looked directly at L-3’s eyes “Is not like that, though! I don’t care about how you treat me but you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Hange too!”

“Moblit...it’s Ok! I don’t care! I like it, actually!”

“Look, I've been told i’m here to learn, not to be your pet. And you all keep saying there’s no hierarchy here, well then, i’m not going to act like there was one!” If Moblit was going to raise his voice so it will.

It was a funny development, though...Moblit’s. His body temperature was rising and he was red, but he wasn’t stuttering anymore. Anger, wasn’t it? Not shyness or anxiety like it always is. He said he didn’t care about how L-3 treated him but he cared about how it treated Hange? L-3 wondered why, again. Was he going to get angrier if it kept treating Hange like that?.

“Besides, i’m not doing anything wrong. I’m just giving < _ shitty>-glasses  _ here the same treatment they pull on me”

“HOW DARE YOU?!” He yelled, getting up from his seat.

Erwin did a terrible job trying to hide his laughter with one hand.

L-3 didn’t know what made humans laugh until now. It was using those words to make Moblit angry because it has never seen him like this before and the result was…<funny>. It laughed quietly too in its teacup.

Hange was trying to calm Moblit down but they stopped when they noticed L-3 was laughing.

“It’s LAUGHING! Awwww Can i take you a photo, L-3?!”

“No, you can’t. Don’t treat me like a pet”

“But!! Erwin, did you see it?! Aw man this is GREAT! It’s behaving so naturally! I...I don’t know what did we do so right this time but whatever it is, it’s working”

Erwin smiled in his seat looking at his teacup 

“it IS, right? I wonder ...what did we do differently this time…” 

“I don’t know why are you both so happy about the android treating you like that but...but it’s been weeks si-since the last time it felt like speaking to a machine. I-I’m actually worried about it...isn’t it too natural? It’s uncomfortable. It’s gonna get us in trouble”.

There SURE must be a word to call Moblit right now for he was saying exactly what it didn’t want Erwin to think. L-3 wanted him to stay shut but it didn’t know how so it just looked at him with that face that always put him nervous.

“He, i mean, it’s doing it again…! Looking at me like it wants to kill me…”

“He…” Erwin repeated quietly in his place, he looked deep in thought, he probably didn’t notice he said it out loud.

“I don’t know how you haven’t noticed L-3 is testing your reactions to its behavior, Moblit. If you get so nervous everytime it looks at you like that then it will keep doing it. It doesn't want to kill you! Right, L-3?”

If Hange was aware of that then that’s why they weren’t reacting to it. That bothered it.

“Of course i don't...”

“You see, Moblit? I knew the K-22 well and it was similar to this, it was bold and rude for some people but it didn’t mean it in a bad way, it was just how it liked to look. L-3 too. it’s just trying to find a way to express itself freely and understand the world around it. But I know it’s a good machine inside. And i like it gives me the same treatment i give to it! We don’t have a hierarchy here and i like to be able to speak freely with everyone.”

Hange knew it all. About it trying to find the <personality> that suited it better and understand the world. How did they know? And why are they stuffing its head with information it doesn’t want to know if they knew it?.

For the first time L-3 called Hange with names they reacted way too relaxed. And Erwin laughed. It was like Moblit was the only person who wasn’t expecting it. But it was good…

L-3 kept trying to force the hierarchy between them because there was no way it was going to accept Moblit and Hange were the same as Erwin, the person who gave it its consciousness. But it could accept that putting everyone below Erwin in the same place wasn’t that bad, it would give it more freedom. So it took it seriously. 

Once the shift with Moblit (a totally silent shift) was over Hange called it

“Ok L-3, let’s go to the library, i have a lot to explain to you today”

“No, thank you.” It wanted more tea so it was going to prepare some more.

Hange stared at it like freezed for some time. “And what does ITS majesty want to do today?”

“Drink tea, first. Then, I don't know. What would YOU do if you had the day off?”

“You don't have the day off!? But well i guess i’d just watch TV, i’m so tired, i think i’d need a rest, to be honest.”

“Tired of what? You barely work here, and you watch TV during all Moblit’s shift”

Hange walked to the kitchen with it and rested their arms on the table to be at L-3’S height. 

“I knew you were going to be this way for how you’ve been acting lately but i wasn’t expecting you were a smart-ass”

An irritating person who acted like they knew everything, wasn’t it? L-3 had its doubts about IT being the <smart-ass> here.

“What are you tired for, glasses?”

“We take two weeks of vacations per YEAR, L-3. It’s been an entire year since Moblit and I took the last one. And before you were awake there were no shifts. We worked on your development all day long, and often, all night long too. Fatigue builds up”

“Hm….no, that’s not how it works”

“How would you know? You don’t get tired”

L-3 slammed the metallic box of tea on the table. Getting tired itself wasn’t the only way to know how it worked. Part of it it’s only information, you can get mentally tired and that can accumulate but if you sleep you will recover energy and that’s all it takes. If it wanted to know more, there was observation too. And Hange never looked half as tired as Erwin.

“Did that comment bother you?”

“No” It lied

“I’m sorry”

Now it was **its** time to not be expecting that answer. It just stood still with the teapot in its hands.

“I don’t know, L-3. I don’t know what’s going on inside your head and how you work. But...you don’t feel like a machine anymore. And it doesn’t feel right to be constantly reminding you you are some kind of tireless object..”

“I  **am** a tireless object. I’m a machine”. With that, L-3 took its teacup and walked out to the garden, relieved that Hange wasn’t following.

It needed some time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for keep reading this even though i barely update. I'm sure this fic still has life and, even if it takes me long to update, i really want to finish it.


	5. Soul

It sat in the shadow of the tree where Erwin sits and stayed there for some time, thinking how in a matter of some hours, everyone in that laboratory had told it <it doesn’t feel like a machine anymore>.

L-3 stayed in the same spot the whole day, staring at the insects and the birds. It stayed so long the black cat came and tried to sleep on its lap but left because even with a beating heart, L-3’s body temperature wasn’t as warm as humans were. Or at least it supposed it was because of that.

There was something so confusing about all of this. Humans perceived it as something similar to them right now, where is the dead end to that similarity? 

It wondered…

But suddenly something woke it up from its daydreams. It was Erwin, L-3 was so deep in thought that it didn't notice Erwin walked all the way to its spot and sat down next to it. There was a strange sensation in its stomach and it didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t expecting to be caught there after skipping its duties today. Was Erwin going to get mad at it? Was he going to scold it for telling Hange it didn’t want to attend to their shift today? Was he going to think there’s something going wrong with it? It felt a sudden raise in its body temperature and all its (artificial)blood rushed to its face. What was it? Why?

Erwin stared at its face with a puzzled face

“...Are you blushing?”

Blushing?

It thought about Moblit. Moblit blushed a lot, but it was out of shyness or, now, anger. It could tell it wasn’t angry. Was it _ <embarrassed> _?

It hid its face. It didn’t know what was happening. It wanted to get away from that place, get calm and find the reason for its behavior

Erwin stayed in his place.

“Oh...i see” he said and then chuckled quietly “Is it because you skipped your shift?”

This guy...there must be a word...It’s getting tired of never having the correct word.

“What is this?” It said looking at its hands like all the blood that rushed to its face was there for some reason.

“You’re blushing because you’re embarrassed...because you got caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do…”

“But why is my face all flushed?! Why am I embarrassed? I… this is the first time i….”

It didn’t want to use that word. It wasn’t Ok, there MUST be an explanation for this. That wasn’t happening to it, was it?

Erwin went serious and silent.

“I can’t feel, right? This is just a normal physical response to something I did wrong…”

There was a moment of silence. Then Erwin appeared to be back in himself.

“That must be it, L-3. Don’t give it any mind. I’m not mad at you.”

“I...i’m sorry. I just wanted to take some time...and when I realized the sun was already setting…uh….I’m going back to work on the garden now and I'll do all my shifts tomorrow”.

“Moblit and Hange just left. And i don’t feel like working today. What if we enter and drink some tea?”

It wasn’t a bad idea. After all of this it needed some tea.

They walked back to the Lab and prepared the tea together. L-3 picked some mint leaves to put in the teapot too but Erwin stopped it.

“I like it with mint” it explained

“I don’t…” He put the teapot out of its reach with one arm.

“You put mint in it the other day!”

“Because i had a stomach ache, but now i’m Ok and i want my tea black and pure”

This wasn’t a serious matter so it didn’t feel like something it could do was disrespectful towards Erwin and it really wanted to put those leaves in it. There was only one teapot after all.

“Look, man. I’m going to put my mint in that teapot either you want it or not”

“Reach for it then” He said, defiantly but smiling.

He wanted to play? Well then…

L-3 jumped but Erwin gave one step aside, taking the teapot out of its reach again. He looked amused.

Suddenly the same sensation it had back in the garden was appearing in its stomach and it could feel its face going red again. 

Something mixed in its insides; something that wanted to keep trying and Erwin to keep putting the teapot away, and at the same time, it wanted to punch him in the face, take the <damn> teapot and put its mint leaves inside once and for all.

It tried one more time and Erwin stepped aside once again.

“I am the owner of this place and i decide how to make tea here”.

“Well, _Boss_ . Go take a seat then and leave the maid do its job” It tried once more ... _the last time_ , it convinced itself.

But Erwin turned around and laughed loud.

“Nope. I can do it alone, L-3. Thank you so much”

L-3 thought that if one more drop of blood rushed to its face it would be painful now. Why was it so short? It noticed before but now it felt like it was unfair. 

When Hange called it like that it didn’t like it because they were pointing out something about its appearance but now it realized they were making fun of it and that <annoyed> it.

Erwin was so tall that he shouldn’t even need to raise his arms like he did to take the teapot away from its reach.

“This is unfair, you made me short so i couldn’t take things away from you…”

Erwin laughed again

“I didn’t make you short! I **suggested** it. But it wasn’t ME. Blame Moblit”

Oh, it does.

“And it wasn’t for this” He poured the boiled water in the teapot. He won.

”It was for you not to look threatening”.

What? Was L-3 acting opposite at how it was supposed to act? Shouldn’t Erwin be upset for that? Something interrupted its thoughts.

Erwin took its hand gently 

“But don’t give it any mind. I’m not going to tell you how to behave. I actually like it more this way” He took the mint leaves from its hand and let go of it.

There it was again. That thing in its stomach. This is why it wanted to drink it with mint, something’s wrong with its stomach and that’s going to help.

Erwin put the leaves in L3’s cup and poured the tea.

“Is not the same…” 

“...Picky”.

They walked to the dinning room to their usual spots. Erwin looked relaxed, he looked at the fire lost in thought for some time. There was a little smile drawn in his face.

“Where did you learn that word, though?”

WHAT word now?

“Uh….You need to be a little more specific.”

“Shitty…”

Oh, the breakfast? It felt like it wasn’t this morning.

“Book”

“So it IS a book in my library...Which one?”

“It’s called ´the wanderer’...”

“The one about the thug who beats gangsters AND cops for the sake of his own beliefs and then internally whines for it?”

How dare? 

“I wouldn’t use those words....but yeah”

“How would **you** say it?”

It liked that book...

“It’s about a person who believes in something...and fights for it. No matter who his enemy is….AND...well...feels the burden of his own actions”

Erwin laughed at this

“Oh and they say i’m a romantic...I’m very surprised by your understanding of that character’s intentions..”

“I don’t understand his feelings but i understand the logic behind them”

“Interesting…I remember he had quite the foul mouth. I wasn’t a fan of that book”

That’s its favorite book. That one and ‘Romeo & Juliet’. Only because their main themes were the things people won’t explain to it.

“I’m sure i never gave you definitions of half the words he uses… that’s why i was surprised you used one”

“At this point i understand that language very well. I just have problems deciding what moments are fitting for it”

“Well you did it pretty nicely this morning” He’s been laughing this whole time “Can i ask you something more, L3?”

“You can just do it without asking for permission, you know?”

“Do you feel like the way you’re acting suits the way you want to appear?”

It considered to lie. Because Erwin didn’t plan it to act this way. But there was something inside it that, even if its greatest fear was to be deactivated by Erwin...it felt like if Erwin decided it then it was the best.

It was going to be honest, at least, with him.

“...Yes”

“It’s Ok. I want to see how your intelligence develops...i want you to be as free in your decisions as possible…”

Erwin always reacted way too naturally to L3’s answers. Same for Hange. If other androids were like it was in its first week….then why is it so normal for them to see it like this?

And why is Erwin always asking this kind of things?

“You make a lot of questions for someone who offered to answer them”

Erwin laughed. It could get used to that...Erwin’s deep giggles. They made him look relaxed. And that meant L3 was helping him how it wanted. 

Actually it just realized this meant it was really helping him how it intended too. And that made it have a weird sensation in its stomach again. This one wasn’t uncomfortable like the previous one…

It wanted to find more ways to humor him, to satisfy him. It was going to help in whatever he needed. Because he was the one who put it in the place it is right now. And it was grateful.

“Sorry, i have always been curious. Let’s do it this way: You ask, i answer. Then i ask and you answer. How about that?”

A win-win then.

“Ok” It thought of a question “Why was Moblit so angry this morning?”

“Oh...well, he really respects Hange, you know? And you made it sound like they didn’t do anything to create you.”

<Respect...> It was a some time since the last time it heard and considered that word.

 **noun** :

  1. admiration felt or shown for someone or something that you believe has good ideas or qualities.



Moblit get nervous and blushes when Hange is around, he defends them and gets angry if someone disrespects them. It noticed that Moblit is always around Hange, he puts special care on the food for them. If Hange fell asleep while watching TV he covers them with a blanket. And even if he gets nervous they speak a lot and Hange laughs with him.

Respect then? Finally a feeling it could understand. 

But also...feel? Or was it imitating Moblit’s behavior? If L3 could chose...it definitely wouldn’t try to imitate Moblit of all people here. Did it feel that for Erwin? Respect? Admiration? But how? It had another question…

It clicked its tongue. “I didn’t say they didn’t help. I said they were like my doctors, didn’t i? Because they built my body. Aren’t you all grateful to your doctors? Better hurry up already with your question because i have a new one”.

“Oh...Ok...uhm… You’re not happy with how you look?”

This man surely picked weird matters for his questions.

“<Happy?>. I just noticed i’m too short and i’m not pleased but i haven’t considered my appearance that much. Why?”

“Changes can be made..”

It considered it for some time

“No. It’s Ok this way. No one is supposed to choose how they look.”

“Are you sure? No one choses how they are born but some people changes their body through their lives”

“Yes, i’m sure. Are you done yet with this matter?”

“Oh Jesus, you’re so impatient. Ask your question”

“What’s the difference...between feelings and emotions…?”

Erwin looked at his cup of tea and sighed “This doesn’t feel like a ‘tea conversation’ but a ‘whiskey conversation’”.

L-3 stood up from his seat to bring a glass. Erwin poured some whiskey in it and returned to his seat.

“Well...L-3...if you want a real answer….” He cleared his throat “Emotions are lower level responses that occur in the subcortical regions of the brain. They create biochemical reactions in your body that alter your physical state.

They originally helped our species to survive by producing quick reactions to threat, reward and everything that seemed necessary in the environment they were in. They are coded in our genes and while they do vary slightly individually and depending on circumstances, are generally universally similar across all humans and even other species. Emotions precede feelings, are physical, and instinctual. And because of that they can be measured by blood flow, brain activity, facial micro-expressions and body language.

This part is originated in your nervous system, L-3. In your case, i was adamant on giving you this ability. And it was a teamwork between me and Hange, who created all the necessary organs, tissues, and nerves for you to be able to take what i put in your AI, and manifest it in a physical response. THIS took a lot of time…

As for feelings...they originate in the neocortical regions of the brain, are mental associations and reactions to emotions, and are subjective...being influenced by personal experience, beliefs, and memories. A feeling is a mental portrayal of what is going on on your body when you have an emotion and is the byproduct of your brain perceiving and assigning meaning to the emotion. They are the next thing that happens after having an emotion, involve cognitive input, usually subconscious, and cannot be measured precisely.

Now, if you put it that way…,L-3...while it was impossible for me and for Hange to create them for you...i guess...there’s a possibility you could end up developing them…”

This wasn’t really a lot of information until this point. Could it? Was he saying that? Really? Now? But didn’t he say it was impossible for it? That **that** would mean it’s trying to become a human? Were feelings that last thing that differentiate them?

“But this would mean to reduce human feelings as mere nervous reactions...chemical processes… And there’s some people that would argue...that this is not how it works…”

“Then how?”

“There is...the soul”

<Soul>??

 **noun** :

1.- the spiritual part of a person that some people believe continues to exist in some form after their body has died, or the part of a person that is not physical and experiences deep feelings and emotions.

“Wait, what?”

“I was debating if it was a good idea to put THAT definition in your brain…” He didn’t hear it but he knew...

So could it or not? What’s even a soul? Were feelings and emotions originated in the brain or in the soul? was a soul only for human beings? was THAT the last thing that made humans so different? Does…

Does L-3 have a soul? It...didn’t….. right?

“If you ask me...L-3...i think you can’t...have...the true meaning of what’s human feelings. But you can recreate them as your brain starts understanding your environment… little by little, through your life. You can create memories and start attaching feelings to your emotions. But...there’s something beyond..that i just don’t know how to explain to you...that only humans have...and i can’t give it to you. I won’t say it is the soul, but...but it’s something like that. It’s something as abstract as that”.

It was that substance. The thing that made humans what they are...L-3 was an empty eggshell after all, compared to humans.

All those things...the respect, the admiration... were just copies because it was watching Moblit feelings for Hange? Was it imitating him unconsciously to try to fill that space?

It was so unfair...why was it an android and not a human?

Erwin was silent this whole time, watching its reaction attentively. He looked serious, but there was something more in his look. It couldn’t tell, there was no way. It never will.

“Do you have another question?” It said looking to its own feet, feeling like all this new information was a heavy book in its head”

“...no...not really...Are you Ok?”

“Of course i’m Ok. I can’t be any other way”

“L-3, i….”

“I want to change the matter” It could just leave...but it didn’t want to leave either. 

On top of all THIS, it wasn’t even sure of what it wanted…

Good-FUCKING-job, L3-V1. You’re such a good machine…! It thought

It wished it was programmed to serve tea and only that.

“Make that blond head of yours work and ask another question. It’s your turn”

Erwin moved his fingers in his glass of whiskey as if he was drawing something with them. It was funny to watch for some reason.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something...but i don’t know if it’s a good moment now”

Erwin was too empathic for his own good and L-3’s own too.

“Why would it be a bad moment? I’m good, as good as a machine can be. You didn’t say anything new. And i don’t feel anything about it. I can’t.”

Erwin furrowed his eyebrows at that last thing. It was difficult to know if he was angry or in pain.

“Are you going to ask or not?”

“Ok...jeez…it’s what i was going to ask after the first thing. I want to know if you’re…er...comfortable with your gender”

L-3 wanted to scream. This man is weird.

“I am a male”

“I am aware but that’s not what i asked. I asked about your gender”

It wasn’t the same, indeed. Though, this REALLY was something it never considered before.

“I guess?”

“What do you mean ‘i guess’?” He looked worried “Are you not?”

“Yes, i am. I just never considered it before. Why?”

“I don’t know. Moblit called you ‘he’ today and then i thought it was good to let you know, again, that you can do anything you want as you please...except leave...but, apart from that…”

“Can i skip my shifts forever?”

Erwin looked at it dead in the eye for some seconds.

“Not everything then, i get it. Well…yes, i am comfortable with the looks you gave me and with my **assigned** (since it was something decided by you all) gender and sex.”

“I’m glad” He said, now he looked shy. He had a little blush in his face. And his glass was empty, that was most likely the reason.

“Well...i’m going to sleep now” He stood up “About our conversation...i’m glad you’re feeling comfortable with yourself...as for the feelings...you shouldn’t give it any mind. I mean...don’t overthink it. Just...do whatever makes you feel comfortable”

Sometimes a wordsmith and sometimes a straight up idiot, it seemed.

“Go to sleep, you can’t even speak clearly now”

“I will do...Good night, L-3”

“Good night”

\--

There was a full moon today and the reflected white light entered the window and enlightened its tiny figure on its chair. While it hugged its own legs it remembered that fragment of the book that appeared in its dreams… how there were things that humans used as tools to give meaning to their words and materialize their feelings.

With the confirmation that there was something, although not tangible, but real... that made humans the way they were and it was going to be always just limited to imitate them. It stared at the moon whose light was not theirs but the sun’s. And it felt like there was at least something, apart from an empty eggshell, that it could be compared with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for bearing with me. I'm glad i didn't write during my time being burnt out on the eruri fandom. Now i'm slowly getting back and feeling like keep writing this! I still have my ideas and plans in mind so, if you're enjoying it...with a bit of patience i'm sure we can finish this (because your support helps me a lot).  
> Thank you so much, again!


	6. Friend

This time the night felt longer than usual. It didn’t want to keep thinking about that conversation so it spent it reading its favorite book. The one with the thug that fought for his beliefs against everyone who was against him. L-3 always thought his motivations were just statistically the best option around not only for him but for the people in that story. But this character had to do a lot of bad things in order to fulfill his dreams and the weight of every decision accumulated on his back, making him fall apart little by little through the story to the fatal end, when he abandoned everything and died in order to let the others enjoy his achievements.

It was really good, and though it was always difficult for L-3 to understand his feelings, it learnt. Little by little, connecting the things it saw there and read in other books to what he said. Learning about depression and mental illnesses. 

It was like reading those books allowed it to feel and be human through the characters it liked. If only it could escape to those stories and not be L-3 anymore, but one of them, a vast human being, with a soul, with feelings and people to care about, to love, even to hate. To be able to see beyond, see things only humans could.

It didn’t sleep that night. Hange and Moblit arrived and with them, the shifts. No thinking, only the tasks: chopping vegetables, cooking. Why is the kitchen so dirty if it cleaned it yesterday? Moblit hasn't said a word since the morning, it didn’t matter, in fact, that’s better in this case.

It didn’t speak in the breakfast either, just tried to keep its mind in the work. Counting the remaining food to see what was the best option for the lunch and dinner.

Erwin was staring. “Just don’t make any questions, please, i don’t want to think” It thought. And he didn’t. It was a successful first shift. 

The lack of sleep was starting to affect it. Its body felt normal and that’s obvious since its insides are all made of resistant materials, Hange was right in that it couldn't get physically tired. But mentally tired...was a different story. It needed to sleep...it was like all its processes were slow now. It wasn’t really that difficult not to think in the conversation it had with Erwin in that state. But the thing that worried it was Hange’s shift…

It entered the library after Hange and they both sat down at the table in the middle of it. L-3 looked at its chair in the back, it wanted to sleep so badly...to kick Hange out of the place, reach for its beloved chair and sleep.

Hange was speaking already and it was totally impossible to pay them attention. It was like they were speaking in slow motion.

Its mind drifted away... 

Since the conversation yesterday ended so badly it forgot to think about that weird sensation it’s been experiencing. It wanted to ask Hange because it feels like something’s wrong with its stomach.

It thought about Erwin’s silly game with the teapot. He’s always acting so natural around it. It never thought about how much he changed since it decided to speak with him about its doubts. And even though it’s been getting along with Hange lately, it still feels like they just want to keep stuffing its mind with useless garbage. While Erwin always considers its...well...its opinions? Sometimes it’s difficult not to use the word “feelings”. It’s not like it can’t, it’s just a word, it won’t change the fact that it is not capable of…

“EARTH CALLING L-3! Are you there, shorty??!!” Hange was waving in front of its eyes. How long have they been doing it?

It took their hand and put it away.

“I’m here, damn.” Sometimes the words its favorite character uses are a perfect fit when it comes to Hange being so utterly annoying.

“You’re acting weird today, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it is…”

“Hm…” They didn’t seem to believe it “Ok...so… let’s speak about that fragment of my research i asked you to read”

...The research...it completely forgot to read it.

“Fuck..”

“You’re very eloquent today. You didn’t read it?”

“...No...i forgot”

“YOU forgot? Why?”

No way it’s going to tell Hange about it.

“I was reading something else”

Hange closed the book they were holding, apparently the one they’ve been talking about this whole time. It doesn’t even remember.

Its mind was numb, it felt like it wasn’t totally there. They both stared at each other for some time, L-3 was too tired to try to say something or pretend it was paying attention.

Then again...the thing with the teapot was really nice for some reason. Even if that sensation was somehow uncomfortable. But now that it thought of it, it felt that thing multiple times yesterday. Erwin said it was embarrassed because it skipped its shift. But, to be honest, it wasn’t expecting to space out for so long and Erwin to find it and it DID think about Erwin scolding it, but it wasn’t really that worried. They all keep saying they don’t have a hierarchy, and Erwin with his ‘i want you to be as free as possible’. It really takes his words seriously so, if it wasn’t really embarrassed...what was it?

It thought about Moblit for some time. It was really difficult to consider the fact that it felt like the definition of the word ‘respect’ and the similarity of its behavior compared to Moblit’s towards Hange suited it so well but letting the ‘feelings’ outside the equation. 

Maybe it didn’t respect Erwin, only imitated Moblit so it could convince itself that it had feelings like him. Or maybe Erwin put something in its code to make it think like that about him...though it doesn’t have any forbidden information to access in its brain...if it was something weird..something it couldn’t reach...it would make sense. But no, it didn’t remember Erwin saying anything about that in world 1. In fact, for security measures, Erwin always said its first priority was people, to protect them. He didn’t even make differences. It wasn’t programmed to protect someone with a high rank over someone with no rank at all, it wasn’t even programmed to protect people of this country over someone of a different one. There were no orders to protect Erwin, Hange or Moblit over anyone else. Only the ability to judge depending on the context...which side was worth protecting.

Erwin really made it able to choose… He really gave it freedom, they weren’t just words. This is the thing it liked the most about him. 

In books, it has learnt about many types of people with different morals. Selfish people. Erwin was just too far from that. If this was only cool-headed judgement, made by its rational mind...it wasn’t important. Erwin was still the person it liked the most there. It was glad he was the person who programmed it.

But still...there was something… Because Erwin surely behaves like he thought it was a totally sentient creature. He acts in a way and speaks in another and that annoyed it. If this man was clearer it probably wouldn’t be wondering life’s meaning right now. It would know there’s no way it could have any feeling and that its opinion towards him is solely out of unbiased judgement.

But didn’t it compare itself to the moon just last night? (So unnecessarily romantic…) it could only reflect something someone else is capable of doing while it was an oversized rock floating in the space. Aimlessly… like it...

“This is a bit concerning” Hange’s face was five centimeters away from its own.

“What the fuck are you doing so close?!” It stood up from its seat but when it did, something in its mind went crazy, it felt like for a second it couldn’t connect its head to its legs, it lost the balance and fell. Hange held it by one arm and it regained balance with their help.

“AAHH L-3 ARE YOU OK? what happens to you?!” Hange looked worried

It never considered how much this would affect it. It always sleeps just 3 hours, is not like it’s used to be on full energy all the time.

“I’m Ok...i’m just…” Before it could finish its phrase, Hange was walking to the door. What were they going to do now?

“ERWIN!!” 

Bastard.

Erwin came out from his office and entered the library

“L-3 almost fainted just now, I don't know what’s wrong with it. Do you think it’s something wrong with its alimentation? Do you think i made a mistake with its nervous system? Would you let me take a look? Maybe its brain is malfunctioning?! ERWIN THIS IS BAD! WHAT IF IT BREAKS?!” 

Now that’s an exaggeration.

“Hange...calm down, please. Let’s take a look at the symptoms like we would do with anyone, and see if there’s a natural reason first” Erwin crouched down in front of it “Are you alright, L-3? What are you feeling?”

It had no energy to slap this man in the face. He should think his words better

“Nothing. I'm OK. Just a little tired”

Erwin looked serious. He doesn’t believe it.

It looked away, it should have told Hange from the beginning. Erwin was the last person it wanted to admit that it didn’t sleep to. He was going to think it over-thought yesterday’s conversation.

“If you don’t feel anything out of the ordinary...then i’ll have to let Hange open you up and see if there’s something wrong with your organs…” More than a creator telling an android they are going to investigate the source of a problem it sounded like a threat.

And it fucking worked...no way it’s going to let Hange open it up like a cookie jar to see its brain.

“I didn’t sleep much last night and i’m tired, Okay? It's not that terrible, i just lost my balance”

Erwin furrowed his eyebrows

“How much is that?”

“...Like...around….” It’s either saying the truth or letting Hange do their thing. And if it does, Hange is going to notice anyway...It can’t be helped.

“Okay i didn’t sleep at all. It's not like a week has passed. Human’s record of staying awake is 264 hours..”

It couldn’t blame Erwin for making the face he made as an answer to that statement.

“...How much do you usually sleep?”

“...around three hours”

“THREE HOURS?” 

Was Hange paying attention? Because the last thing it needed is someone being so loud now

“Where do you sleep? Because i know you don’t sleep in the main Lab”

“...There” It pointed to its chair

“JESUS” Hange rubbed their head with both hands. “No one have taught you self-care?!”

“No.” 

Both went silent.

Until Erwin stood up and took L-3 in his arms. Now WHAT was he doing?!

“You need to rest” That’s all he said

L-3 wanted to fight, it wasn’t right Erwin is carrying it like that. It is strong enough to walk, it is just a robot. It was created by him. Where does all this sympathy come from? WERE THEY ENTERING ERWIN’S ROOM?

This was the first time it was inside of it. The room was the cleanest area of the house, that much it could see. It had just the right amount of furniture; A mirror, the bed, the nightstand, and a big closet. Some books were piled up on the floor but even those looked organized.

Erwin laid it on his bed and L-3 didn’t know how to feel about it. The sensation was back and now it hurt on its stomach...adding up to how tired it was.

“You’re going to take a proper rest now. On a comfortable bed”

He was too relaxed for its taste, no way it was going to sleep on his bed, it had its own even if it didn’t use it. It tried to stand up but Erwin stopped it.He crouched down in front of it again, looking directly into its eyes.

“Please” He said…

“I...can’t sleep here. I get it, i have been irresponsible. I have to take care of myself, i don’t want to mess up what you made. I’m your creation and i should take that seriously or i’m going to ruin all of your efforts...please let me go to the main lab”

Erwin looked troubled, he rubbed his eyes with the tip of his fingers

“It’s not... just...sleep, Ok? I should have bought a proper bed for you. What you’ve got in the main lab is not a bed but a gurney. It’s meant for experiments not for…”

“I am an experiment, Erwin” Erwin stayed in his place for a moment, his face was something L-3 never saw before. But suddenly, it went back to his usual stoic expression and looked back to L-3’s face

“Yes you are….” He said, serious “And yet...you’re staying here and that’s the end of the conversation” He stood up and made his way to the door “No alarms. Sleep all the time you need to” 

It couldn’t answer. Erwin just left and closed the door from the outside.

There it was… this wasn’t right. But it can’t be helped.

It took off its shoes and lay on its belly. With its eyes closed it felt like it was back in world 1...where everything was just so simple. Every object giving the response it was supposed to give, every order clear for it to understand. It was it and its creator. It was all about making what the creator said, so easy, so fulfilling. Erwin’s scent was all over the place, especially on the pillow. The scent it recognized and labeled as the ‘creator’s scent’. Now it knew it was a mix between his cologne and hair product, the one he used to arrange his hair and always look so groomed.

The more L-3 knew humans the more it liked organized things, perfection and tidiness. It only felt like THAT was its place, the safe place...world 1. Where everything was simple and

perfect. With humans everything was just a mess. And Erwin was the only one that never looked like he was a mess.

It wondered if Moblit thought the same way about Hange. It would be terribly inaccurate. Or if other androids felt this way about their creators too.

Hange is always mentioning the former prototype that lived here before it, the famous K-22. It annoyed it because it appeared like all its efforts to find its own personality ended up being the exact same ones that other androids chose. And L-3 just can’t do anything without getting itself compared to it.

But it was created by Erwin too so it wondered if it thought the same way about him...knowing that would give it a lot of answers. There’s no way the other android didn’t think the same. Absolutely. But it wanted to ask anyway...if there only was a way of speaking with it...the district they lived in wasn’t that far away from the one K-22’s new owner lived…

If there was only a way…

_ “...Tis but thy name that is my enemy; _

_ Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.   
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,   
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part   
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!   
What's in a name? that which we call a rose _

_ By any other name would smell as sweet;   
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,   
Retain that dear perfection which he owes   
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,   
And for that name which is no part of thee _

_ Take all myself. _

__ I take thee at thy word:   
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;   
Henceforth I never will be Romeo…”

It woke up with a jump to a room in reddish tones. No night yet but it counted 5 hours of sleep. L-3 turned to lie on its back and stared at the ceiling for some time…

It keeps hearing that book’s words in its sleep...it wondered why THAT one. It likes that one, but it doesn’t understand it. Not like its favorite one...for some reason that one was easier to comprehend for it. But this one was about things that still were way too foreign. This book wasn’t about things that you feel on your own as consequences of your own actions, this was about things you would do for someone else. This spoke about someone else being the meaning of your life… 

It wasn’t respect.

It wasn’t the right moment to think about it, certainly.

It wondered if those two left already, the last thing it wanted was hearing Hange’s screams right now.

It got up from the bed and made it neatly. It still was very uncomfortable with the fact it slept on Erwin’s bed, the least it could do was leave the room as if it never used it. Maybe better.

There were some books and papers scattered on the floor so it took them away and put them on the only table Erwin had in his room. 

Erwin had different kinds of books on his bedside. Some of them were the same author as the one it’s been dreaming about, William Shakespeare. For some reason...L-3 imagined the book it liked was Erwin’s. Maybe just because it never imagined Hange reading that kind of thing. And it never really saw Moblit reading a book.

There was also a psychology book, two about androids and artificial intelligence, and a book whose author’s name was ‘Oscar Wilde’. Which was the only one of that author in the house because L-3 nearly knew the titles and authors of every book in the library at this point, and this was the first time it read it. It felt curious but left the book arranged on the table.

It left the room and walked through the hallway to find Erwin sitting in front of the fireplace apparently writing notes in a little piece of paper. When he saw it he hid it immediately though. Was it a secret? It was curious again.

“You woke up already? You haven’t slept 8 hours yet, go back to sleep”

“I slept more than i have ever slept before...I’m gonna be Okay."

It walked to the kitchen. Some tea would be nice right now. It served two cups and brought them to the dining room.

Erwin accepted his own, the piece of paper nowhere to be seen. What kind of secret could he be hiding from it? Is not like L-3 felt in the right to ask…

“I was wondering…” He said “I want to take a walk outside. Not to the town...there’s a flower field some minutes away from here on the way to the mountains. Would you like to come with me?”

Going outside? This was the first time it was going to see something outside the lab...of course it wanted.

“Yes...of course...Hange and Moblit are coming too?”

“They left as soon as you went to sleep. There was no point in keeping them here if they wouldn’t be working”

There was a sensation again...a new one that it didn’t understand. Its hand trembled slightly and suddenly it felt full of energy. No way it could sleep again…

Erwin changed his clothes and got ready while L-3 waited on the doorstep in front of the house. Its full body shaking like all the energy was trying to escape from it, it felt like running and jumping, but that didn’t feel like itself.

They left the house and walked through the dirt path. The place was gigantic, there were other houses but they stood up in the distance. 

The fields were green, the sky still red and the cold air felt cleaner than inside the Lab in its lungs.

“Do you like the scenery?”

“I do…” Honestly, there were no words to describe it.

“It’s been a long time since i walked around here... i used to visit that flower field quite often before… There’s a lake too. I like to sit at the edge...i feel like i could be there for days”

“Why didn’t you come earlier then? It’s getting dark now, we won’t be able to stay that long”

“I…” He lowered his gaze “I didn’t want to come by myself. I planned this yesterday...i was going to interrupt Hange’s shift to take you with me but then you felt bad and i thought it couldn’t be today. But we still have some light, it gets dark really late in summer”

He was planning on interrupting Hange’s shift to take IT with him? and not the three of them?

They entered a forest area. The path was still clear and the trees were really tall on its sides. 

L-3 was too busy looking everything at its surroundings to think that much about all of this situation. It just liked it, liked all of it.

It heard Erwin chuckling quietly

“What is so funny?”

“The face you’re making. You look like a child”

Was that good or bad? It didn’t want to look like a child..

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Erwin kept laughing and hastened the step

It supposed it meant for it to follow him that way. Erwin is usually calm and collected but sometimes  **he** really acts like a child, or at least, like a very immature person. Since L-3 has never known a child itself… was it acting that way too?

There was a noise now in the distance. It didn’t take so long to arrive to the lake. 

Water, so much water all over the place. It was a big lake with the sight of the mountains behind. 

There were no words.

The sun was almost set and everything was bathed on a red light making all the colors shine brighter in some way. In the right side of the lake there was a spot without trees. That was the flower field, it could tell, because there were all kinds of different colors.

“If you don’t close your mouth you’re going to regret it. This place is full of flies”

Smart-ass

L-3 followed Erwin to the flower patch. He sat down at the edge and stayed there, repeating that image so common of him...just...feeling everything in his surroundings. With his eyes closed and smiling slightly. It wondered what kind of things he would be thinking, what kind of feelings is he having?

Erwin opened his eyes and looked at it

“Why are you standing there? Come, sit down”

It felt like that was Erwin’s moment, since it couldn’t be able to experience it …

“What do you want a not sentient machine sitting next to you for?”

Erwin sighed

“That doesn’t matter, come, sit”

It did as it was told

“Do you like them…? The flowers? The scenery here?”

“Is not half bad”

He smiled in a way it never saw him smiling before. With heavy-lidded eyes and looking directly into its eyes. For a second it was like his eyes could penetrate to its very core so it looked away. For some reason, it blushed. All this time claiming to understand a character's feelings even though it wasn’t capable of experiencing them but its own reactions were a total mystery. For all it could think about, it was this man treating it like this...he’s not helping, he’s making all of this harder.

“You know…” It tried to put it in words “...If you keep treating me like a human...it will only make things difficult for you” 

Great, that’s not what it was thinking, was it?

“For me? what do you mean?”

“You must treat me like a machine...like your tool. Humans get attached to things...then you’ll be thinking of me like I was something spe… " thinking about things it's so easy but putting them in words was a literal nightmare "you know? i don’t even know what I am talking about…”

“You mean i could end up considering you like i would consider another human being? A friend? An important person for me?”

Oh no, it never implied such a thing. Its stomach went crazy again with that weird sensation and all the blood rushing to its face again

“No...no no no...i...i wasn’t trying to that...i..i meant...like a valuable object...like when humans get attached to things and don’t want to be separated from them...i don’t know, a gift, a collection object...a place...that…”

Erwin laughed. And that was a relief… How stupid could it be? Of course he understood that, it has to think better before opening its mouth.

“When i was a child i really liked reading. The other kids at my school always thought i was a weirdo since i was either reading or making some kind of mechanic toy...they called me names, they said i was a robot because i was always serious and alone…”

Erwin a robot? Kids are weird.

“Because of this i never had friends. I only cared about reading my books, discovering places and stories in them….and eventually on creating robots...because my father liked them. It was lonely, kids should have friends, they should go out and play with them. My father, who worked in the same school noticed i was always alone….and he got me a cat”

“...A cat”

“Yes” He laughed “It was a little black cat, very similar to the neighbour’s one...i called him ‘Kuro’, i wasn’t really good with names…” Erwin looked at it for a moment like checking if it was still paying attention.

This was probably the first time Erwin spoke about himself, it was listening to every word, looking at him directly, it didn’t want to miss a part.

“So..” He said looking away again “...I had him since he was a baby, i saw him learn, grow up and become a distinguished adult black cat. He was beautiful. When i was at school sometimes the only thing i wanted was going back home to keep playing with him. He was there for me when i was happy and when i felt sad. He slept on my chest to the last of his days…” Looking at the flower field again, there was something new in that smile, like it wasn’t 100% genuine. Like it wasn’t a happy smile “...I considered him, my best friend.”

It freezed.

Erwin looked at it again, the smile now free of that forced aura it had some moments ago.

Was he implying they could be friends? Like Moblit and Hange? Like the three of them? A person you enjoy being with? A person who stays with you and helps you? Who cares about you? with IT? An empty metallic can?

Apparently he didn't feel like he needed to explain further. The point was made so neither of them spoke. 

Erwin got up and walked carefully around the flowers.

It was darker now but, amongst the flowers, Erwin looked like he irradiated light by himself. Erwin was not only a sentient human being. He was special in a way it never saw on the other people, or characters, or whatever being it interacted with before. He and the way he was glowed so brightly it felt blinded.

And there it was, looking from the distance. This being full of light wanted to treat it like an equal, like he could make friends with it.

Giving some of his heat to its cold feelingless core.

If L-3 was like the moon, then Erwin was the sun. 

And it will follow him wherever he goes.

It got dark and they walked back to the lab. It was difficult to see when they entered the forest so L-3 was guiding him, since its sight was better in the darkness.

Erwin seemed relaxed.

The place was suddenly full of fireflies landing on every surface, one of them flew in front of Erwin for some time to land on his nose.

“You don’t need to guide me now, i’ll light up the way with my nose”

That was probably, most likely, a joke…

“Ok then” It said walking away

“No! Come back!” He moved and the firefly flew away, he stayed still in his place. 

He probably was completely blind at the moment and L-3 looked at him for some time. He looked so lost...it was funny.

“Help” he said pouting

“Are you a child now?” It said laughing

“I don’t know, sometimes i feel like one. Especially here, abandoned, in the dark…”

“You’re everything but a child, old man. Come, i’m here”

Erwin followed its voice and they kept walking by the path

Night in the lab is usually silent. The sounds of the trees moving against the wind couldn’t reach its ears from behind its walls. It liked this sound better, it had more life in it.

“I’ve been thinking…” Erwin spoke again “Would you…” 

It took him some time to talk again. He’s doing that again. Losing all his confidence out of nowhere

“Would you…”

“Are you Moblit, man?”

“I…” he laughed. “Sorry, i’m trying to find the words." He cleared his throat “I’ve been thinking you should have a name”

“I do have a name…”

“No, you have a prototype name. I mean, a real name”

A name…?

“Would you like that?”

It thought about a lot of things, it thought of saying ‘no’, on stopping this while it could before Erwin gets attached. Before it ends up believing this great lie.

But…

“...Yes…”

“Do you have a name you like?”

“No, i never considered getting a name…”

“Hmmm..i was thinking of one yesterday...I told you i’m not very good with names, but it’s still a name. And it will always remind you of your code in case you forget it”

There’s information in its brain that couldn’t be possible for it to forget, but well…

“So..?”

“...Levi”

“Levi…” It repeated. Ok, it definitely didn’t take him a lot of time to think of it. But still...it wasn’t like it just adopted someone else’s name to act as a human. It was ITS name, wasn’t it? It felt right. It felt like it…

“Levi..i like it”

“Really?”

“Yes…”

“I’m so glad…! I know it looks like i didn’t give it any mind, but believe me, it took me hours to come up with it. I stayed up yesterday until 4am and kept writing down more ideas today"

“You should have told me. I wouldn’t have spent my whole night reading” Even if the conversation the day before was...what it was (and it didn’t want to think about it right now) it would have been nice to stay with him longer.

“I’ll keep it in mind for the next one…Levi”

It sounded different. Its stomach reacted again to the name...it was a good thing it was so dark because it felt like it blushed once again.

“And because you said you were comfortable with your gender i think we could change the ‘it’ to ‘he/him’, don’t you think?”

Say no, say no, say no.It thought. This is your reminder that you’re a machine, an object. Say no, say no…

“Yes..”

I hate myself

“Okay, Levi” Erwin said smiling.

They were back at the lab and shared tea silently in the dining room. Erwin still looked relaxed how he never looked before. 

And…<he> was happy to see him this way because it meant he was helping him how he wanted.

They finished their tea and cleaned the place.

“Please tell me you’re not going to sleep in that chair again”

“I..uh…” That’s what he was planning “No, of course not”

Erwin narrowed his eyes

“Hmm….Okay. I’m going to believe you. You can sleep in the main Lab for now. I’m going to get you a bed as soon as i can”

“You know you don’t need to do that, right? The main lab it’s good enough”

“Is not a bed, i told you..”

He wasn’t going to convince him so he walked away and turned off the light in the dining room. The only light coming from Erwin’s room.

They looked at each other for some time until Erwin smiled and turned to his room. He stood outside the door and looked at him again.

“Goodnight, Levi”

“...Goodnight, Erwin”

\---

He walked to the library. Is not like he wanted to lie...not to Erwin...but there were some things about this place…

The books, the window and the reminder that it doesn’t matter how good Erwin treats him, and the fact that now he used human pronouns and a name...He’s still not human. And he never will.

This time he walked directly to his chair. He didn’t feel like reading. 

He took off his shoes and changed his clothes to the ones he used to sleep. Humming to himself the words he hears in dreams like they were a song, quietly…

“I take thee at thy word: Call me Levi, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be L-3…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this is feeling repetitive. I swear i'm going somewhere here.  
> Thanks you for reading!


End file.
